Posts Tagged ‘Jon Peters’

The More Things Change…

Tuesday, December 9th, 1997

The more things change, the more the Japanese moneymakers get the crap kicked out of them by Hollywood. Buzz has it that Peter Guber is preparing to relocate his Mandalay Entertainment to Warner Bros. in 2000 when his deal with Sony runs out. As you might remember, Guber and his then partner, Jon Peters, were brought to Sony in 1989, bought out of their Warner Bros. producing base at a cost of over $500 million. Peters was soon dumped, but under Guber’s tenure, Sony wrote off billions. A deal to start Mandalay was Guber’s reward for failure when he was kicked upstairs in 1994, leaving Sony in the hands of former WB film topper, Mark Canton. More losses. Flash forward. Peters is already back at WB, pushing the Superman Reborn train along. Canton, after the summer of Striptease, was dumped for the legendary John Calley and he went back to a Warners’ deal, leaving M.I.B., My Best Friend’s Wedding and Godzilla to embarrass Calley (as in, story after story reminding everyone that the hits weren’t Calley’s). And here comes Guber back to the WB fold. Kismet, baby!
Another film being blamed for another tragedy, a.k.a., another sick kid shifting responsibility to avoid a life sentence. This time, it’s The Basketball Diaries, a movie that could well have inspired moviegoers unable to get a refund to shoot the theater manager. Kentucky high school rampager Michael Carneal (killed three, wounded five) was asked by prosecutor Timothy Kaltenbach whether he “had ever seen this before, ever seen anything done like this,” reported Kaltenbach, “and he said, ‘Yes, I have seen this done in Basketball Diaries.'” I guess that the school’s principal, who reported that Carneal was a regular victim of intense ridicule was missing the point. Excuse me now, I saw Starship Troopers recently and I have to go kill a bug.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah. The remake rights to Piranha have been sold for $2 million. But that’s not the funny part. They were sold to Fox Family Films. As I recall, Piranha (directed by a pre-Gremlins Joe Dante and written by a cash-poor John Sayles) was filled with violent attacks on naked swimmers by fish with razor-sharp teeth. Now that’s family entertainment. What’s next for F.F.F., a remake of Flesh Gordon?
So, people, what’s on your mind? E-mail me your thoughts and questions.

Sondra Locke Finally Settles Lawsuit

Thursday, October 23rd, 1997

Sondra Locke‘s finally settled her lawsuit against Warner Bros. that claimed the studio bilked her out of a three-picture deal because of former beau, Clint Eastwood‘s influence rather than because of the uniquely worthless Ratboy, the first film in the deal. So what does she do? A nasty tell-all book! Oooooh! Just check out these amazing morsels! Eastwood didn’t know who Barbara Walters was! Oooh! Aaah! Clint liked the much-younger Locke to call him Daddy! Oooh! Aaah! Eastwood started whispering after noticing that it worked for Marilyn Monroe! Who the hell is she kidding?! O.J. spent two years on trial for murder, Chrisitian Slater‘s biting the women that Marv Albert is missing, Robert Downey Jr. is waking up in Baby Bear’s bed and the President of The United States is releasing information about his penis in press conferences! If Clint didn’t have sex with Burt Reynolds and that stupid orangutan while holding up a 7-11 with a bazooka, who’s going to notice?!
Starship Troopers‘ star-on-the-rise, Casper Van Dien, is about to go native as Tarzan for Warner Bros. Tarzan Jungle Warrior. Van Dien follows superstars Christopher Lambert and Miles O’Keefe in the role. Did I say superstars? I meant guys who clean bars.
Jon Peters, who has produced a grand total of zero hits since Batman and he and his partner Peter Guber teamed up to lose billions for Sony, has decided repetition is the most likely formula for hitmaking. First, he set up the feature version of The Wild Wild West starring Will Smith. Then there’s Superman Reborn, except with a wild-eyed lunatic (Nicolas Cage) as the Man Of Steel. Now he’s ready to move on from old TV shows and comic books to classic films with The Trail, a remake of the 1956 John Ford classic, The Searchers, except it’s set in space! What’s next? A remake of Peters’ Bonfire of the Vanities with funny jokes and a comprehensible plot?
Do you have any bad ideas for worse remakes? Email me.