..Gary Dretzka
..Noah Forrest
..Leonard Klady
..R.J. Matson
..David Poland
..Douglas Pratt
..Ray Pride
..Michael Wilmington

Blood Diamond
Directed by Edward Zwick
Warner Bros.

Where does one begin when it comes to the horrors of Blood Diamond?

Perhaps the greatest horror for me is that so much of the film and its elements are so good. Some have taken issue with Leo DiCaprio's accent or his physicality in playing a tough guy. Not me. I don't remember the last time Jennifer Connelly had a chance to be as charming and sexy on screen. Djimon Hounsou always brings a warmth and regality to the screen (and he actually gets better as an actor each time out). The core of this story is horrifying and powerful and might have made a great movie.

Interestingly, this is the first Ed Zwick movie that does not make a fatal mistake about choosing sides in the last act. In fact, he finally makes the right call, even if there is still a bit too much credit given to the White Man for the thriving and surviving of the Black Man. But it's better than the movie trying to tell us that the Black Man owes the White Man for his future.

Still, this is the worst of Ed Zwick's films because it is utterly unfocused, trying to shove virtually every White Man In Africa stereotype in the movie book into 2 hours, 23 minutes. If you want a pure experience, you should probably dump out here. I won't be doing big spoilers, but the structure may spoil it enough for you...

GENERAL SPOILER WARNING

There are no fewer than ten basic film conceits inside of Blood Diamond -

A. The White Outsider Trying To Take Advantage Of The Natural Resources

B. The White Guy Trying To Escape An Other Ethnicity's Genocide Before He Gets Killed Too

C. The Black African Exploiting The Black African To Reap The White Man's Rewards

D. The Woman Who Is Morally and Intellectually Superior To Everyone Else, But Still Not Above Being A Broad

E. The "Defiant Ones" Black Man & White Man Handcuffed And Dependent On One Another For Survival

F. The Black Man Who Is Beyond Honorable Who Fights For His Family

G. The Bond Movie Where The Heroes Constantly Outrun Machine Gun Fire

H. The "You Should Have Already Felt Guilt For This" Film

I. Duplicitous Scumbag Tries To Take Advantage Of Honorable Man, learns lesson

J The African Beauty Shot Epic

Now... it is possible to combine two or three of these conceits into a very good movie. The Killing Fields combined B, F (Cambodian version), and H quite effectively. Out of Africa combined B, D, and I. Lawrence of Arabia managed and Arab version of B, C, E, and F.

But all nine of the above would require a true act of genius. I have seen genius... and Blood Diamond, you are no genius.

The film jumps from one conceit to another like a horny drunk near closing time. One minute, Leo is trying to get into Jen's pants and seems to have a finger in the waistband and then seconds later, for no apparent reason, she is giving a Powerpoint lecture of the abuse of the locals by the evil white man, then she can't figure out why he go thrown off the scent. One minute, Leo is trying to get Djimon to believe that he is sincerely happy to share the Blood Diamond with him, but then he give a speech about how he will skin Djimon alive if he puts his life in a danger again and then, they continue on as though the larger, more physically imposing man who has survived all kinds of threats never heard that this jerk just threatened to treat him like an animal.

There are movies where I could forgive the endless convenient and unrealistic escapes from danger. There are movies where I could forgive a death bed (virtual) redemption. There are movies where I could forgive our hero seeing a man shot dead for trying to keep a diamond the size of a matchstick head and trying to steal a rock the size of his thumb a few minutes later. But this is not one of those movies.

In Blood Diamond, when our stars escape a machine-gun attack, they don't just run into the jungle... they somehow cross a quarter mile of open land without getting shot. When they are shot at when they are in the desert, they somehow escape a half dozen machine gun armed men though the movie chooses not to explain how. When they find fifty holes dug by someone to find the diamond, they manage to find it in the same area in less than five minutes.

I am quite willing to suspend disbelief. But not sanity.

- David Poland