The Dregs Of Delight
What is a shatlet?
It's like an omelet,
but made of shit.
It's also an anagram
But the funny thing
about this atrocious pile of beautifully shot celluloid manure is that
if it had any sense of humor about itself - and even better, cost half
of what it cost - it could have been a lot of fun.
This last month
of summer could have been produced by Sam Arkoff and Roger
and you know what
it will probably be the most
fun month of summer moviegoing this year.
the A-movie that desperately wants to be a B-movie. I mean, the only
thing sillier that greenlighting a movie called The Island that
has no island in it is greenlighting a movie called Stealth that
makes no use or even an effort to use stealth technology as a part of
the storyline. (Twice in the picture we are informed that "my stealth
isn't working" and neither time does it make one bit of difference.)
A better title might have been Flying Hal, since it is basically another
computer chip gone crazy and killing people movie. Even better, instead
of getting Jamie Foxx to play The Funny Negro Who Has To Die
First character, they could have gotten Jack Black to play The
Funny Fat Guy Who Has to Die First and then they could have gotten a
few people to mistake it for a sequel to Shallow Hal. Hell
if they got Gwyneth Paltrow to play the Jessica Biel character,
her bikini scene might have put people in mind of Schindler's List.
(It's an anorexia joke, folks!)
Speaking of Ms.
Biel, isn't it one of those great B-movie moments when Sam Shepard's
gruff leader of the super secret best-three-fliers-on-the-planet team,
decides to send the trio on a Thai vacation for no apparent reason other
than to offer motivation for Ms. Biel to agree to strip down to a Bikini
in front of a waterfall? Had they only been smart enough to send her
undercover in a PG-13 brothel!
And without giving
away any spoilers, where but in a B-movie would the world's most sophisticated
piece of equipment be fixed by someone yelling at it at just the right
moment? It's genius! It's moronic
but its genius. Eight Winged
There is also the
delightfully retro Sky High, which is classic DIsney B-movie
making, including rubber suits that look like they didn't quite fit
and every cheesy special power you can imagine. There is even a villain
duo right out of the Power Rangers.
Next week, it's
The Dukes of Hazzard, which is kind of pissing me off with this
"Thrillbilly" stuff. Call a cracker a cracker and call a hillbilly
a hillbilly. Next thing you know, they'll be CGing the white trashcans
into another color so they can't be accused of making subtextual jokes
about Britney Spears.
may be great, but it is B-movie all the way. Four guys of different
ethnicities share a foster mom who is killed by bad guys
has gots to pay!!!
The B-movie weekend
of the year is August 19 when both The 40 Year Old Virgin and
Red Eye arrive
and will be remembered as two of the biggest
audience pleasers of the year. And believe me, for a movie about a middle
aged virgin and a film about a girl who gets forced by a bad, bad man
to do something she doesn't want to do
B-movie is nothing less
than a sterling compliment. You will laugh your ass off in one and scream,
don't do it
oh oh oh
he's right there
yay!!!," until you spill your Coke and gag on
It's the movies,
Red Eye has
something for everyone. I mean, who's going to complain about a movie
that has Rachel McAdams out of her shirt and Terry Press
called an "asshole" all in the first 5 minutes? (For those
of you who are not in the biz, T.P. is head of marketing at DreamWorks
and though she has a rep for being tough, any exec who has the sense
of humor to put herself so actively in mock's way clearly rises above
Make no mistake.
It's not going to be genius. It is not going to be complex. And it is
not going to be anything like Flightplan. In fact, it's not even
going to be 90 full minutes. But if you just want to have a good time
getting out of the heat, you are going to walk out of the theater smiling.
As for The 40
Year Old Virgin, it is really in the great tradition of B-movies
like The Last American Virgin, Porky's, and How To Stuff A
Wild Bikini. It's definitely got a new millennium sensibility. But
the four central male characters are all emotionally iconic
guy (the virgin) has built a perfect shell for himself, one guy thinks
he is a stud, one guy can't get over his ex and one guy just bulls through
everything without much thought or finesse but with an aggression that
makes it work for him. This film knows that the music from those earlier
films is now ironically funny. But it also knows that everyone has a
little guilty pleasure with the Eric Carmen song now and again.
And if you want
the perfect L.A. night, you'll go see this film and then go to the Versailles
on Ventura Blvd. in the valley and look at the film's location right
across the street. If you get there early enough, you can even go to
the "I Sell Your Stuff On E-Bay" store next to Versailles.
quickly become one of Hollywood's most interesting production companies
with two B-movies this summer (Monster-In-Law and Red Eye)
followed by a film from David Cronenberg that works both as a
B-movie and as a masterful art film.
Even the art films
in August, Broken Flowers and Junebug, are character B-movie
corn as interpreted by artists, in the genre tradition of Altman, Rafelson,
Ashby, and Ritchie.
Do you remember
when they made Skeleton Key the first time? It was called
The Serpent And The Rainbow, it starred Bill Pullman, and
it was made by - taa dah! - Wes Craven.
Weeks of Summer Archive
21 , 2005
14 , 2005
7 , 2005
June 16, 2005
9 , 2005
May 13, 2005
April 28, 2005
April 14, 2005
Summer Chart - June 16, 2005
Summer Chart - May 26, 2005
Boxoffice Chart - April 14, 2005
Boxoffice Chart - May 12, 2005
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