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David Poland

By David Poland

Oscar Nominated Movies… In Coffee (by Michael Breach & Illy)

29 Responses to “Oscar Nominated Movies… In Coffee (by Michael Breach & Illy)”

  1. leahnz says:

    these are pretty cool (i wonder if the creator drank them all after, if so i bet there was some serious wakefulness – if it was actual coffee and not fake decaf).

    my oscar pool this year has a first prize of $100 and i really want to win, because i have expenses and could use some fuck-you money, but for the last 5 years or so i’ve come in second (or third) so i don’t really like my chances — i’ve gone strictly with the conventional wisdom so in a way i hope there are some twists and turns and i screw the pooch

  2. leahnz says:

    there doesn’t seem to be an Oscar thread this year — i was just wondering, is it my imagination or are they not playing the winners off this year? pretty neat

  3. leahnz says:

    well thanks, good to know (wtf has happened to this blog)

  4. Hallick says:

    Redheaded stepchildren laugh at this blog, that’s wtf has happened to it.

    The show was moving at a pretty enjoyable pace until somebody behind the scenes decided to put all of the irrelevant index cards together at the 1 hour 50 minute mark and bog down nearly an hour straight with Pink, Bette Midler and yet another WHO-GIVE-A-FUCK-I’VE-SEEN-THESE-CLIPS-A-MILLION-FUCKING-TIMES-?!? “heroes” montage that didn’t even make sense in its own proclaimed logic.

    The Memorial segment was so bad at one point (Bette Midler just DRINKING IN all that standing o acclaim that wasn’t even for her) I literally wished death on every single soul who had anything to do with the making of it. “Elmore Leonard, writer, Joe Kidd”. Really? I mean are you for real on this planet REALLLLLLYYY???? HOW, How, how do they screw up something as simple as a memorial segment? All you need is background music and a great editor who can weave together clips that touch on most everything great the deceased artist did in their lifetime. We have the technology to do that in record-breaking speed. Show me their stuff!!! That’s why we loved them, that’s why we miss them, that’s why it hurts! I wanna see Gandolfini and Hoffman and everybody else KILLING IT in their best images, or their best lines, ANYTHING BUT A BOTTLECAP SIZED THING IN THE CORNER OF THE SCREEN FOLLOWED (FOLLOWED? FOLLOWED!??!) by Bettle Midler’s musty old bag of 1980’s awful treacle and self-adulation.

    So…is Goldie Hawn trying to out-prep Daniel Day-Lewis in her desire for the lead in “Kim Novak-The Oscar Night”?

  5. leahnz says:

    yeah, stupid ginger stepkids…

    i agree, the production was pretty weird and inexplicable and weak at times (and nobody tried to pick up one of those 6 thousand translucent oscar statue things clumped into bizarre islands on the stage as a gag? that’s the first thing i would have done coming out as a presenter). ellen in the audience interacting with the ‘movie stars’ was different at least, probably took up too much time though, mildly amusing in places. it gave the ceremony a more cazh feel (what’s more cazh than ordering pizza? taking a poop. ellen shoulda done an intro from on the throne). the design of the ‘in memoriam’ segment was indeed ridonkulous – who picked those random weird descriptions for the dearly departed, some 12yr old kid closing their eyes and pointing to a list on imdb? christ on a cracker (and wtf was that bette midler thing for, i don’t get it)

    and for all the ‘tight oscar race this year’ chatter, really predictable winners yet again, was there even one ‘upset’? (sucks to be american hustle and wolf of ww, ouch – not that i disagree per se but it’s gotta sting a little coming out of the big show with the big zippo)

  6. Hallick says:

    If I could make one ridiculous request (or if I could spell the word “ridiculous” right the first time instead of the sixth time, nevermind that I spelled it wrong again in this aside twice) it would be instead of proving to me yet again that red carpet fibers induce grapefruit-sized brain tumors in the speech lobes of anyone holding a microfone could we please just get an hour of the Best Animated Short nominees? They looked so lovely, and so delightful, and so much better than yet another set of dresses and tuxedos. They ALWAYS do.

  7. JS Partisan says:

    If only this blog became a tumblr! If only. Nevertheless, solid show, but splits are very weird. They are both great movies, but film historians will be trying to explain this one in the next 25 to 30 years. A movie that’s a technical achievement, that won the Oscars that are usually precursors of BP, and lost it to a great movie without a win in Director or Editing. Very strange, but hopefully they are tied together somehow, so they both are appreciated on TCM in 50 years.

  8. Joe Straatmann says:

    It’s the weird ceremony where there was plenty to remember that was just awful and yet it’s the ceremony I had the least problem sitting through. The clear Oscar resembled “Oscar condoms.” An unintentional motif of the show seemed to be formerly beautiful people’s faces wrecked by plastic surgery (Seeing Kim Novak look like Robert Z’Dar was especially sad for me). The Ellen casual running gags that went on for too long and while occasionally hitting the right note, kind of hit an uncomfortable note with some of the crowd (And the selfie thing was a “GET ON WITH IT” moment). Finally, while I thought the respecting the dead was the most tasteful version of it I’d seen in awhile (It’s debatable whether silencing the crowd was a good move. I personally prefer reverence to a popularity contest, but that’s a personal preference thing), and then… ruined by a “look at ME” musical performance of a cliché song that followed it.

    But… it was a ceremony that mostly let people be who they were. It didn’t try to cram things into a little corner or to a certain decorum (Save, of course, the governor’s awards and the tech guys). There were musical performances where the songs were allowed to breathe and give the aura they’re supposed to. Many of the presenters felt like their personalities weren’t given so many shackles. They mostly didn’t play off the people’s speeches and it felt like the speeches were the most personable in awhile. It probably went too far in some cases. I don’t think Pink was the right choice for The Wizard of Oz, but they didn’t try to make her do it a “right” way, and while I personally didn’t like it, I know some who were perfectly fine with it. Even if I don’t think Ellen isn’t the right fit for Oscars, they let her do what she does. But the Bette Midler moment was definitely not the time to call attention to anything but those who have passed. Jim Carrey felt like Jim Carrey presenting and not just a random actor tied to a prompter. Bill Murray felt like Bill Murray. And so on. That’s the quality that came off the most to me, even if at times the choices were dead wrong.

  9. pat says:

    A tighter race usually means fewer surprises, because people are prepared for any one of the top three contending films to win.
    When there is a clear obvious frontrunner throughout the Oscar season, THAT’S when there is a possibility for a surprise.

  10. Hallick says:

    Ellen was fine as a host, and maybe if they’d just let her do it again for the next three or four years she could become great at it. But as it stands now it’s like trying to launch a late night show with somebody new at the desk every single night. Just say fuck it, we’re sticking with one good host for five years and we’re gonna let her relax and find a groove without all of this endless auditioning over and over again.

    And I’m ready to give Bette Midler to Russia for peace in the Ukraine, but they’d probably just take it for an act of extremist aggression.

  11. hcat says:

    I’m of two minds with the memorail section, yes I would have rather seen clips, but they would have had to given at least a minute apiece to Hoffman, O’Toole, and Temple, not to mention Ramis and Leonard. There was just so much lost in the last year it was probably the right decision to just place everyone on an even scale.

    JS, I can see how the split happended, Gravity was such a massive technical achievement how do you not give it all the tech awards. As for its legacy, has anyone seen how it plays on the small screen yet? I have some friends who rented it VOD and were not impressed, granted these friends are neadrathrals as far as films are concerned, but I wonder if people coming into it that did not have that theater EXPERIENCE are going to wonder what all the fuss is about.

  12. Triple Option says:

    Did you guys like the tight close ups of the winners giving their speeches? It’s kinda good but then you need the cutaway shot to the people they’re addressing, I thought, or it gets a bit creepy with them essentially looking into the camera.

    I liked McConaughey’s speech.

  13. cadavra says:

    FWIW, Elmore Leonard was cited with JOE KIDD because it was by far the most successful of his few screenplays. Most of what we think of as “Elmore Leonard” films were adaptations of his printed work.

  14. LexG says:

    Lupita Nyong’o: Will never be nominated for anything again, ever, and probably has zero career ahead of her. Anyone thinking otherwise is totally deluding themselves.

    Plus her really gay brother butting into the celeb selfie was brutally annoying.

  15. Hallick says:

    “Plus her really gay brother butting into the celeb selfie was brutally annoying.”

    Considering how brutally annoying the entire “we’re gonna crash Twitter” thing was anyway (who gave one ninth of a fuck), I loved that guy getting all up in the celebrity mash up like he was just as big as all of them. I thought he was a seat filler at first.

  16. christian says:

    That award still makes Lupita far more rich, famous and nominated than Lex will ever be. Ouch.

  17. leahnz says:

    yeah fuck lupita’s brother for gaying up such a chest-thumping heterosexual caveman selfie with ellen

    “Leanne…A tighter race usually means fewer surprises, because people are prepared for any one of the top three contending films to win.
    When there is a clear obvious frontrunner throughout the Oscar season, THAT’S when there is a possibility for a surprise.”

    i’m thinking this must be to me, no worries: yeah i can see that rationale, but i think my issue with that would be that there actually weren’t a ‘top three contending films’, that’s some candyfloss filament spun by ‘oscar bloggers’ (is that the right term for them? anywho) who spend a great deal of time overanalysing, hyperventilating and narrative-weaving something non-existent into some grand guignol contest so they can make some cash each awards season, a little self-perpetuating industry; american hustle was never seriously in the running to win the ‘big’ awards, the prior industry awards are the only fairly reliable indicators for oscar and they were pretty much in lock step with the academy this year. the director gravity/pic 12 yrs split wasn’t really a surprise given the industry lead-up, it may have been close between ‘gravity’ and ’12 years’ for best pic, hard to know, but the split was pretty much anticipated.

    (those up-yer-nose close-ups of the winners’ acceptance speeches were a little disconcerting, esp in HD, that HD can be harsh man. i always tend to like the super-enthused speeches of the people who win the ‘lesser’ categories most, they are so clearly stoked and not expecting it, their speeches infused with genuine emotion and humour…the actors’ speeches often seem a bit self-absorbed [shocker], and plus they’re actors so they tend to act, though i found lupita’s speech very sweet – and i must admit towards the end of McQueen’s acceptance speech for best pic he was in such a lather and babbling in his London brogue i could hardly understand a fucking word he said, hilarious)

  18. Monco says:

    Totally agree with Leah, the lack of all surprises at the Oscars is the main problem that the show currently faces. We already saw this show at least twice before at the Globes and SAG. The campaigning has made the show a coronation. DiCaprio winning or Russell winning screenplay or Adams winning or Phoenix winning Actor last year would have been pleasant surprises. Hell, even the non major categories usually have some pleasant surprises, like when Pfister won for cinematography, was completely gone this year. I for one am sick of the trend of Best Cinematography going to animated films.

    They need to move this show up to January and push all the other award shows out. This will end the nauseating campaigns these people go through and bring some spontaneity back.

  19. JS Partisan says:

    Monco is right on. Move this ceremony before the Globes, and these awards might be interesting. The coronation thing needs to end. Surprises are why people tune in, and not freaking montages.

    Hcat, “Gravity” received the “Avatar” treatment. It at least won awards, but huge movie once again lost the Oscar to a much smaller movie.

  20. SamLowry says:

    So if Buzz Aldrin had been asked to present the Oscar for Best Picture, do you think anyone would’ve suspected what the winner might be?

  21. YancySkancy says:

    Sam: I thought having the star of After Earth, Men in Black and Independence Day present Best Picture was a sure sign that Gravity was gonna win.


  22. Joe Leydon says:

    This year’s Oscarcast scored record ratings. By one account, it was the highest-rated entertainment event on broadcast network TV since the Friends finale. So all you folks who want to rag on the Oscars, or tell the Academy members to re-schedule their show, or make their awards more relevant to younger audiences — why the hell do you think the Academy should give a good goddamn what you have to say? Just wondering. And by the way: Ellen Degeneres has an ass for you to kiss.

  23. Hcat says:

    Js, The smaller movie won but what sets this one apart is the roughest film won. I didn’t have 12 years in our pool due to the pianist, apocalypse, raging bull precedent that awards go to the films without stomach churning violence.

  24. Hcat says:

    While it didn’t have as many belly laughs, the oscarcast was a hell of a lot more entertaining than this years Super Bowl.

  25. leahnz says:

    joe, this might sound like a silly question but do you think the good ratings for this year’s telecast are in part because of ellen? she seems to have a really broad appeal in the US crossing class, racial, gender and geographical boundaries, and there’s something quite lovely about that, it’s a feel good story. i remember watching her way back in the day come up through the stand-up ranks (i STILL think of her bit about cd’s being wrapped for the apocalypse in 30 layers of toughened plastic while light bulbs are encased in the flimsiest of paper boxes every time i buy a freakin’ light bulb), it’s pretty amazing the niche she’s carved out for herself – she can have a sharp edge but there’s something open and accepting and rooted in love about her that people of all stripes seem to find relatable in her humour and persona.

    i thought she did a good job on the night, the production itself was a bit weird and unfocused at times but her hosting was on the mark (i think it was hallick who said they should just settle down with one host for a few years and let her hone the role like they did with crystal, i get the feeling she was holding back a little this year and would only get better with time and experience. there’s one thing really unique about her: she’s clearly very comfortable with an audience of ‘stars’ and brings a relatable, down-to-earth-ness to proceedings; there was something pretty funny about watching brad pitt hand out little paper plates and the celebs scarfing pizza when the camera focused on them – though i must say leo needs to pull whatever crawled up his ass and died out with a pair of tweezers, geeze).

    anyway the idea of moving the oscars way earlier to circumvent the icky dog-n-pony spectacle and predictability, and restore a little of the tarnished mystique of the show would seem a workable idea, but would all the guild/industry awards then just scramble to go earlier too until it’s just a huge clusterfuck from 1-31 January? (this would actually be pretty funny to watch)

  26. Joe Leydon says:

    Leah: Definitely think Ellen had a lot to do with it. And Oscar evidently has returned the favor: Her Monday show reportedly grabbed the best ratings in her show’s 11-year history.

    BTW: I think Brad Pitt earned the Good Sport of the Eveing Award.

  27. leahnz says:

    great write-up joe, all the good bits.

    i’m weirdly relieved to hear someone else found legend Poitier’s frail appearance difficult to watch — i must confess, i was at home for this year’s telecast on Nurse Ratched duty (oops er i mean nurse betty, or who’s a good nurse? damn) tending to an ailing teen and i actually had to get up and leave the room for a moment when poitier and jolie did their bit presenting best director – seeing him like that after growing up with S P films and admiring him as such an amazing, talented trailblazer was unexpectedly painful, i felt like the biggest wimp ever, i actually had to collect myself.

    (i thought poitier had a really lovely moment with cuaron when they shook hands and looked each other in the eye and alfonso said ‘senior’ with such deep respect and admiration, one of the best moments of the ceremony for me)

    also, speaking of my boy: i don’t know what rock i’ve been living under but i didn’t realise jim kelly had passed away; ‘enter the dragon’ was my son’s first blu-ray movie that he bought with his own money and he absolutely adores it, watches it all the time, so when jim kelly’s name came up on the ‘in memoriam’ segment his face just dropped and he was so upset, i felt like a total egg not knowing jim had joined the dearly departed.

  28. YancySkancy says:

    Joe: Nice write-up! Totally agree with you about Jim Carrey — he should host. But I still can’t get behind June Squibb’s amateurish performance. Her clip was the best because it’s a funny, well-written scene. I liked her better on GIRLS this week; maybe playing a bedridden sick woman reined her in a little.

    I think Poitier was the first red carpet interview on ABC that night, and though he did seem frail, the major problem seemed to be his hearing. Whether it was a physical issue or the roar of the fans in the stands, I don’t know.

  29. Mike says:

    I liked how Angelina took her cues from Poitier and helped when he needed it. She gets a lot of flack but she seems to have her heart in the right place (and has a second Oscar to Brad’s one).

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