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David Poland

By David Poland

BYOB 2413

70 Responses to “BYOB 2413”

  1. The Pope says:

    Every great career has a moment where it all comes together. A perfect alignment of the planets when everyone looks up and sees the star and we are all wowed and we all agree. And after that, no matter how good the star’s future is, no matter how well they keep themselves in orbit, everyone looks back and compares it to that one shining moment.

    It happened Sunday night. Half-time. Beyonce was crowned the Queen of America. Where can she go now?

  2. palmtree says:

    And like every “Queen of America,” our job will be to tear her down. It happened to Lance Armstrong, and it has already started with her “lip syncing” non-scandal at the inauguration.

  3. Pete B. says:

    Guess I shouldn’t have let the wife switch the channel to watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet?

  4. Lex says:

    Beyonce isn’t even hot.

  5. cadavra says:

    Given that she’s black and over 30, that observation hardly comes as a shock.

  6. Lex says:

    Rihanna, Zoe Saldana and Kerry Washington are the 3-way tie of black chicks I almost find hot.

    Plus can we all stop pretending we ALL wouldn’t have MUCH rather looked at Selena Gomez or Bridget Mendler or Taylor Swift or Katy Perry than Beyonce, who’s straight out of 1999?

  7. Philip Lovecraft says:

    I’m with The Pope. I liked Beyonce’s singles going into last night, so I wouldn’t say I was a big fan, but her Super Bowl performance was like something beamed in from Mars. I mean that in a good way. “Queen” is just about right. Wow.

  8. Lex says:

    You guys are aware Beyonce’s been around for almost 15 years and those were some old-ass tunes, right?

    Have you guys really not seen her before???? They also have this new chick called Madonna you might wanna look into.

  9. Don R. Lewis says:

    Just realized OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL opens in like, a month. Are they going to, you know, promote the film at all? I’ve only seen the one trailer and dug it but then I haven’t heard a peep. Kinda weird.

  10. bulldog68 says:

    Taylor Swift needs a few Happy Meals. Lex does not like any woman that he can’t handle.

  11. sanj says:

    Beyonce sure hit the jackpot in Jan 2013 – she fakes singing for the president – ends up singing in superbowl and gets on the cover of gq magazine…its like she got her own reality show for 2 weeks and the real media covered it as real important news like on cnn.

    my only problem with all this is that Beyonce has nothing interesting to say . DP should interview her ans ask her thoughts about torture in zero dark thirty …

    movie 43 is at 5% on RT – this movie still plays 4 times a day – good for hollywood or not ? they need to keep the star system going and this movie has tons of stars.
    don’t the movie chains have the power to give this lower profile showings like maybe 1 per day ? give some other indie movies more of a shot ?

    anybody watch the americans on fx ? new tv series about russian spies and stuff. super old critics probably like this a lot cause they remember the soviet war back the 50’s or whatever….the first episode was 1.5 hours long – which was way too long …the first 10 minutes is really great but then it goes down from there – Keri Russel is pretty great – she takes some new risks she didn’t in her old show felicity.

  12. tbunny says:

    Lex: King of New York, isn’t that like your perfect movie?

  13. cadavra says:

    I’d much rather look at Thelma Todd, who’s straight out of 1929!

  14. The Pope says:

    And Cadavra makes “The Catch.” Thelma Todd wins in overtime.

  15. jesse says:

    Way late on this, but actually Lex, Beyonce was doing a mix of songs from throughout her career. There were a couple quick dips into songs off of “4” (her best record) from 2011; two from 2008 or so; and two from her solo debut, which came out in 2003, I think. Plus the older Destiny’s Child stuff. That said, I have no idea why she wasted time doing “Baby Boy” from 2003, where they had to pipe in the fucking Sean Paul contribution, the only thing lazier than a Jay-Z guest rap.

    ALSO it is kind of bonkers that when Destiny’s Child does their Independent Woman song, they still have these references to Charlie’s Angels. I mean, some are in the lyrics so I guess it’s hard to avoid, but they still do Charlie’s Angels poses and say “good morning Charlie” or whatever it is at the end… that cracked me up. I like that movie a lot but in terms of hit size and age, it wouldn’t be all that different from a huge R&B single ending with “Sum of All Fears, y’all.”

  16. etguild2 says:

    “B’Day” is Beyonce’s best album IMO and she didn’t do a single song from it:( But yeah great performance, and Lex, I know you must have found Stacey Dash hot back in the day. Even Tea Partiers dig her:)

    Is IDENTITY THIEF as bad as I hear it is?

    Also, loved SIDE EFFECTS, it’s like a Soderbergh’s Greatest Hits album, but it seems like a bizarre time to release it. Has the feel of an early Fall pic. Regardless, Rooney Mara is mesmerizing and really unsettling in it…it amazes me that she went from doing horror remakes and video bin sex comedies to working with Fincher, Soderbergh, Malick and Jonze in so short a time.

  17. movieman says:

    Does anybody else find the current season of “Justified”….lacking?

  18. christian says:

    Love it when sanj goes into complete sentence mode. I agree with him about Beyonce – no there there.

  19. The Pope says:

    What do you want/expect from Beyonce? A complete dissertation on the economic wars of the 1800s? She’s an entertainer. Here’s what’s there. Full wattage.

    I don’t know about you, but I never danced to any records by Abraham Lincoln.

  20. christian says:

    Id watch a movie about Lincoln. Beyonce is every wailing American Idol singer in one. Plastic. Dull.

  21. storymark says:

    “It happened to Lance Armstrong, ”

    Right, he didn’t have anything to do with that one himself…

  22. storymark says:

    “Does anybody else find the current season of “Justified”….lacking?”

    A bit. Im afraid it may have peaked with season 2.

  23. christian says:

    Apropos of DP’s fading blog interest, Jeff Well’s site has became a parody of joyless OCD sociopathology: “I despise bums and films where you can see the actors breathing…” “Yeah, me too!” Oy well the center cannot hold….

  24. StellaPD says:

    I love Justified as much as ever and don’t find it lacking in any way. The 45 minutes fly by and when it’s over it feels more like 5 minutes have passed. Enormously, effortlessly entertaining. Spectacular cast. Frequently laugh-out-loud funny. Easily one of the best shows on TV and way better than more buzzed about shows like Homeland.

  25. movieman says:

    I wish I felt the same way you do, Stella.
    But the absence of an ace in the hole like Margo Martindale or Neal McDonough has really produced a tangible lack of tension/electricity.
    I liked Joey Mazzello’s preacher storyline, but it seems to have been dropped like a hot–or maybe lukewarm–potato.
    And I still have no idea where this season is going.
    P.S.= Isn’t Raylan’s ex supposedly pregnant w/ his first child?
    What ever became of that subplot (and her character)? Or am I forgetting something from last season?

  26. The Pope says:


    I don’t want our exchange to descend into a slanging match but I will say that I think you are mis-identifying who came first and who is still the leader.

    “Beyonce is every wailing American Idol singer in one. Plastic. Dull.”

    That is because every wailing American Idol singer is trying to be Beyonce. But they all fall short, because they are plastic and dull.

  27. jesse says:

    Beyonce does come across as absolutely media-trained within an inch of her life and totally bereft of things to say in her interviews. But thankfully I don’t listen to interviews on my ipod. I listen to her music, which when she’s really cooking is excellent. “Countdown,” “Crazy in Love,” “Single Ladies,” “End of Time,” “Love on Top,” “Ring the Alarm,” “Irreplaceable”… awesome songs.

    I have no idea who’s actually responsible for them (most pop singers take pretend co-writing credits on their music these days), but Beyonce herself must have some say in terms of production and such, and she’s shown herself to have interestingly eclectic tastes. 4 is a particularly cohesive and enjoyable record, with a lot less of the usual American Idol style bombast. There is one awful Diane Warren song, “I Was Here,” but it’s easy to skip, and the rest has some of her best work. Her singing always comes across as playful to me, something the American Idol crowd usually ignores. And as much as Beyonce has a queenly-goody-goody-diva rep, her music is really good.

    While on the other hand, someone who speaks her mind more often, Nicki Minaj: I bought her albums on a whim because “Super Bass” is amazing and she seems funny and weird, and most of her actual songs, save a few inspired moments, are absolutely boilerplate: overloaded with guest stars, rife with bad processed dance beats, and kind of mean-spirited and cynical.

  28. etguild2 says:

    The song/video for “Why Don’t You Love Me,” which Knowles co-directed and features her chain-smoking and throwing back dry martinis is more interesting than 99% of the pop drivel out there.

    Nicki Minaj’s early stuff is ingenious, it crackles with the fire Eminem used to have. That ended the minute she started doing albums…

  29. StellaPD says:

    Justified Spoilers

    I don’t think the show needs a central “bad guy” to succeed or generate tension. Plus Raylan and Boyd will butt heads again at some point. The preacher storyline is not finished. His sister is clearly still majorly involved in this season (Boyd figuring out that she was really in charge all along). Also, why does one need to know where the season is going to enjoy it? Isn’t that part of the fun, the mystery and watching it unravel? And we’re getting little clues about Drew Thompson here and there.

    Yes Raylan’s ex is still pregnant. That is why he was taking bounty hunting work on the side, for extra money. This has very clearly been covered in early episodes of the season. The character makes less appearances because Natalie Zea is a regular on The Following. Apparently she’ll be appearing in 2 or 3 episodes this season.

  30. movieman says:

    Maybe my expectations were too high considering how terrific the previous (three) seasons were, Stella.
    I know that we’re just a third of the way in, but season four still seems like a letdown to me.
    And I miss Zea, and am already missing Mazzello.

  31. YancySkancy says:

    I have the last couple eps of JUSTIFIED in my DVR queue, so I can’t comment much on overall quality of the season yet. But I thought it started quite well, and I have faith that it’ll be fine (even though I thought Season 3 was a comedown from Season 2–McDonough wasn’t that interesting after they made him a rather garden-variety nut job, and I was ultimately bored by Mykelti Williamson’s one-note character). I’ve read that Raylan and Boyd don’t cross paths until ep. 5, which I believe is next week.

    As for Beyonce, I really only know her (many, many) hits, which I mostly enjoy. She seems to be a pretty strong songwriter, especially for such a young gal in the Destiny’s Child days–I remember Elvis Costello praising the “Writing’s on the Wall” album in Vanity Fair or some other mag). Also, despite lackluster performances in GOLDMEMEBER and DREAMGIRLS, she’s absolutely great as Etta James in CADILLAC RECORDS, even without attempting a vocal imitation.

  32. StellaPD says:

    Interesting. For me it’s been just as good as last season, which was just a tiny bit beneath season 2 in overall quality (it will be hard to top season 2; hardly any show in the history of television has had a better season than season 2 of Justified). I don’t really miss Zea. I like that Rachel and Tim have been given a little more to do (the chemistry between Olyphant and both Jacob Pitts & Erica Tazel is outstanding). Plus Walton Goggins and Nick Searcy are always excellent, especially Goggins. Not to mention the stellar work from recurring actors like Jim Beaver and Jere Burns and Raymond Barry. It might not be the best show on TV, but there isn’t a single show on television I enjoy as much as Justified. Each episode is a pure delight.

  33. Krillian says:

    I love Justified. There’s no obvious Big Bad this year (lest you count Boyd), which might be why this season feels like it might be lesser than.

    Since no one asked, my top and bottom ten of 2012:

  34. cadavra says:

    You want not plastic and not dull? Lorraine Feather, motherfuckers! And she really writes her own lyrics!

  35. etguild2 says:

    Tough times for Dreamworks Animation? Bumped Mr. PEABODY from November to March 2014, and pulled the planned March ’14 release from the schedule. Maybe they are feelings the effects of going 3 years without an original hit? The break between TURBO and MR. PEABODY is their longest between movies in 9 years. They have a lot riding on TURBO and THE CROODS.

  36. hcat says:

    One less animated title in a year can only be a good thing. Especially Mr. Peabody, that seems to be going awfully deep into the IP mine. Perhaps they can’t keep up with the pace of 3 animated releases a year, perhaps Peabody needs extra work, or maybe they see that their November releases seem to make 15-25 percent less than their March and summer releases.

    All this was fine when there was just Disney and Dreamworks, but with the addition of Blue Sky, Sony, and Illumination all this seems like too much brightly colored nuetered anarchy to be released in a single year.

  37. sanj says:

    i had a strong feeling that zero dark thirtyt dp/30’s were coming – this whole thing seems to be about facts and stuff – i guess it helps that DP has probably seen the movie 4 times and can talk about it for hours and hours plus there was that manhunt dp/30 with the same topic where DP seemed to talk for hours.

    this should be a 2 hour dp30 special on the history channel …thats where it belongs.

    not sure how many times DP has seen Lincoln but same thing – 2 hour special on history channel …

    with that we steel secrets doc – pussy riot doc – gatekeepers dp/30’s there lots of talk about overall government takedown of people in varous forms.

    hey DP – you have dozen dp/30’s that belong on history channel that actually deal with history. send it to them and see if they show them. DP get on this .. you can save
    the history channel.

  38. sanj says:

    why aren’t more people on here commenting on the snow storm in the east’ll last a few days and screw up the box office numbers.

    how much money can the theatres lose in one day ?

    DP should take a trip to new york city and go to every theatre and find out how empty or full they are .

    theatres probably don’t want to report there are like 12 people watching side effects. thats why we need reporters for this…or some random movie fans with cell phones to record the emptyness.

  39. sanj says:

    can somebody from the dp/30 factory add more sundance dp30’s . its like the thing i actually care about and if there were giant ads around them i would click on them.

    this is a basic supply and demand issue .

    i know i won’t make a difference cause DP is watching zdt for like the 8th time. Jessica Chastain power… look at her!!!

  40. sanj says:

    amc – home to madmen is now doing reality tv …freakshow.

    one of you super important movie critics better start yelling at them for turning into tlc tv ..

    watch this 4 minute preview.

    freakshow amc

  41. sanj says:

    hey DP – oscars are a few weeks away – any more oscar nominees comign for dp/30’s ? shouldn’t there be a huge
    lineup outside your door ? how do you not take it personally that some of the biggest actors around haven’t
    done any interviews .. instead they spend their time on late night talk shows kinda talking about the movie for like a few minutes.

    Steven Spielberg – Daniel Day-Lewis – Hugh Jackman – Denzel Washington – Joaquin Phoenix – Robert De Niro
    Anne Hathaway and a whole bunch of others need to come around.

    DP – your the one with the movie critic superpowers and you can’t get any of these people ?

    i hated the Jacki Weaver dp/30 and hated the last 10 minutes of the Bradley Cooper dp/30 .

    even the oscar nominees you have – your not promoting the hell out of them – some are pretty good like Jackson – Chastain – Jen L … they just don’t end up tv where they should be .

    the zdt dp/30’s should be popular with cnn – DP send those to Anderson Cooper and get him to play the entire
    thing on his show .

    also there’s a dozen picks i have for dp/30 that haven’t come around yet .

  42. sanj says:

    watched – DP/30 @ Sundance ’13: Touchy Feely

    – the most interesting part of this was Ellen Page . she only talked for 2 minutes and was pretty much emotionless throughout the interview and DP wasn`t asking really confusing questions.

    the whip it dp30 with Ellen was pretty good and now we have this new interview ..either Ellen was having a bad day or DP made her mad before the interview or she thinks the movie sucks so she`d talked less.

    this is the least amount of talking an actor has done in dp30 interview.

    DP – any thoughts………..

    also DP can you get Lindsay Lohan for dp30 . this would be really interesting cause you will let her talk.
    the media doesn`t seem to be fair .

  43. sanj says:

    “California police say they have found a body in a burnt-out cabin where murder suspect Christopher Dorner is believed to have made his deadly last stand.”

    i wasn’t really following this on the news … but then i read the headline and it looks like something out the latest bourne movie – Renner is in a cabin in the woods that burns down by the cops.

    so it took a movie to get me interested in this for like 2 minutes.

    i’m sure at some point they’ll make a tv movie out of this and i still won’t care cause it already happened in the bourn movie.

    also DP – can we get new byobs on mondays – wed – and fridays … we will get more fresh topics that way.
    have the dp30 factory look into this .

  44. etguild2 says:

    Yeesh, DIE HARD is getting body-slammed by critics. Dreck overload opening this weekend….

  45. sanj says:

    watched -Celeste and Jesse Forever

    – the main characters need a back story for me to care …

    – Samberg was wasted – he could have fixed this mess.

    – the best part of the movie was Emma Roberts

    – i’m alright with this movie not getting a dp/30 . other
    super important people have done interviews .. mostly all
    the late night talk shows who all think this movie is super awesome ..

    – Rashida Jones needs to do something totally different.
    maybe a drama. DP get on that. use your super movie critic superpowers and find her something. have one your
    super director friends make something and do a dp/30 and then she might win some movie award. this can take 6 months. otherwise Jones will be stuck doing tv series forever.

  46. etguild2 says:

    Yeah Celeste was a waste. It wanted to be subversive, but couldn’t seem to commit to it. Unlike the vastly underrated “Friends With Kids.”

  47. sanj says:

    the latest dp/30 with Ellen Page was really something – she was pretty much emotionless least K-Stew is always awkward ..there seems to be something wrong with Ellen and i can’t figure it out….nobody will care cause the director talked about the movie in detail and most of her fans are just going to yell out juno rules.

    this is one of those rare times that DP should have stopped the interview and let Ellen out of it .
    talking for 2 minutes is waste of her time.

    does it really make a diffrence ? maybe . its a small movie – probably won’t get awards so Ellen is safe.
    but DP usually gets Ellen once a year and if thats the only interview people see thats not good.

    after years of watching dp/30’s – i think can review these better than most people and try to stay objective.

    hey DP – awsome job at not getting an actor to talk in interview. this is very rare.

    even i have no idea if i want Ellen back for another dp30.. Ellen don’t care about what i think.

    Caleb Landry Jones dp30 said something in 2 minutes that blew my mind.

    i’m pretty much done talking about Ellen but would like to know what LexG thinks of the interview.

  48. sanj says:

    watched You’ve Been Trumped documentary …

    – trump goes crazy with golf course and people get mad ..

    – this whole story could have been told in 30 minutes

    – i couldn’t understand people with heavy accents

    – everybody in the film is super old. old people get super cranky.

    – trump is the real life mr.burns

  49. Lex says:

    Sanj, I don’t know where to find the Ellen Page DP/30 but I do like her a lot.

  50. sanj says:

    hey LexG – here’s the link – Ellen doesn’t say much in the interview. would you give this a LOOK AT HER!!! or a YEP YEP! ?

    also when is your die hard 5 review coming ? everybody movie critic hates it and Bruce is too famous for a dp/30 ….

    DP/30 @ Sundance ’13: Touchy Feely – Ellen Page

  51. Rashad says:

    Lex, you a Kate Mara fan? I have to say she tops Rooney in House of Cards. It’s also the first time I’ve seen the resemblance between them. She even sounds like her.

  52. Lex says:

    I love Kate Mara but she can’t top Rooney. Nobody can. Rooney has the better body and the better attitude.

    Check out TRANSSIBEREAN with Kate, though. She looks exactly like Rooney in that.

  53. sanj says:

    Lex – you should send in dp30 request for Rooney and Kate ..

    Rooney should have gotten a dp30 for side effects…

    DP got Soairse Ronan for dp/30 – this time she got her accent.

    the power of disney – some dude makes a 5 minute black and white animation – gets lucky and gets oscar nomination and gets 30 minutes to talk about it .
    i saw the credits and it took like 50 people to make that 5 minute film but DP ain’t running around getting any those people …

    hey LexG – since twilight is over has K-Stew lost millions of fans by now ? also do you have any favorite girls in the new si swimsuit magazine …

  54. Rashad says:

    Rooney in Dragon Tattoo is one of the hottest ever, but her normal self, I don’t know. I like Kate more.

  55. Lex says:

    Sanj, for reasons I can’t discuss, I haven’t been able to get to GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD or the SI issue yet, sorry.

  56. sanj says:

    LexG – the si issue is on the si website .
    Kate Upton got on the cover twice .

    the deal with si swimsuit girls is that its the same girls
    for 3 years and theres only room for like 5 new girls ..

    most of the models are models and don’t go crazy and decide to go into acting ..except for commercials where
    they sell stuff in bikinis.

    DP needs to get Kate Upton to sell the dp/30’s ..some stupid silly commercial thing that will get a million views.

  57. Lex says:

    Sanj you probably already know, but I am a HUGE Kate Upton fan… except for her breasts, which I don’t like. (I don’t like big boobs unless they’re fake.)

    But in every other way she is the ultimate woman, and yes her SUPER BOWL commercial was a huge LETDOWN

  58. sanj says:

    funny 5 minute video – guy tries to date Kate Upton

    A Date with Kate Upton – Part 2

  59. Rashad says:

    Upton’s hips and stomach are a big turnoff.

  60. Lex says:

    But she’s blonde.

  61. YancySkancy says:

    Just spent a half hour or so searching the web for pics of Kate Upton in which her hips and stomach are “a big turnoff.” Couldn’t find any. Guess her people got on that.

  62. Lex says:

    Hey Jesus Christ, can Poland shut off that ZELJKO IVANEK VIDEO that’s playing from BEYOND every time I come here? NO IDEA where it’s linked from, but it’s sure annoying.

  63. sanj says:

    have you seen Upton in gq mag ? probably my favorite cause they made the effort ..what does DP think of Upton ?

    here’s the link to that audio … DP should delete this


  64. sanj says:

    when magazines turn into LexG …

    the latest US Weekly – each of these has a quick story.

    these baby faced celebs are mistaken for kids –

    Rachel Bilson – Emma Watson – Sofia Vergera – Isla Fisher

  65. Rashad says:

    She has no hips at all. She’s like a jug.

  66. sanj says:

    Upton can’t possibly make the si cover next year. shes done every other magazine. so whats left ? playboy.

    she needs to get into acting . DP should help her out.

    Kate to DP – help me with my acting

    DP to Kate – yeah not right now – i’m on my 12th viewing of zero dark thirty…Kate you should be more like Jessica Chastain.

    Kate to DP – nevermind – i’ll get help from some other movie critic maybe that Wells guy.

  67. storymark says:

    Damn, Rashad, I don’t know how wide they need to be before you count them as hips – but she sure as hell has some nice ones by my reckoning.

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