MCN Columnists
Mike Wilmington

By Mike Wilmington Wilmington@moviecitynews.com

Wilmington on Movies: Colombiana

 

Colombiana (Two Stars)
U.S.: Olivier Megaton, 2011

She’s young. She’s tough. She’s agile. She’s half-naked. And  she’s definitely deadlier than the male — at least in this movie.

Zoë Saldana, who was kind of blue in James Cameron‘s Avatar, plays producer-writer Luc Besson‘s notion of a rock ‘em sock ‘em action heroine in Colombiana — which means that she’s often undressed, drop dead gorgeous and frequently engaged in killing people.  Lots of people die in Colombiana, many of them at the hands of Zoë’s character, hit woman Catelaya Restrepo, and they usually shuffle off mortal coils in ways as picturesque as Besson and director Olivier Megaton and co-writer Robert Mark Kamen (the Karate Kid movies) can dream up: eaten by sharks in a Scarface-style drug lord’s orgy den/swimming pool, or going down in alleged safe houses in hailstorms of bullets.

The first casualties are Catelaya’s parents — captured and slain by a Colombian cocaine cartel in the first big action scene, when she‘s only ten (and played by child actress Amandla Stenberg.) But most of the others are just preparation, or practice– part of a furious quest for revenge by Saldana’s Catelaya, who decides on a career in murder and vengeance as a ten-year-old and is helped along by her gangster Uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis), who also makes sure she gets a good Chicago parochial school education. (Those must be some confessions.)

In later life, when she gets going on her assassin career, Catelaya’s “victims” are mostly drug miscreants and scumbags whom she kills in order to get to her parents’ killers, the fiendish drug lord Don Luis (Beto Benites) and his main associate/torpedo Marco (Jordi Molla), two crook/killers who are being protected by the C. I. A., in exchange for information which Don Luis never quite provides. This may all seem kind of ludicrous, and it is — though Besson and Megaton try to keep things barreling along at such a blistering clip that we won’t notice. They can’t. The whole movie is ridiculous — though perhaps its unfair to criticize this film for not possessing something it clearly doesn’t want: a lick of sense.

There’s not a scene in Colombiana that isn’t nonsensical in some way or another, and the only actor who manages a really convincing performance is Lennie James as dour FBI special agent Ross. But it’s also clear that the filmmakers aren’t really trying to avoid nonsense. They’re aggressively pursuing it. They’re throwing in a little Salt, a little Lara Croft, a little Underworld, U.S.A., a little Countess of Monte Cristo, and whipping up the whole senseless shmeer into an over-edited frenzy of preposterous hyper-activity.

Saldana and Stenberg make the absurdities somewhat watchable. Stenberg spins her limber way though extreme action scenes of parkour with little Catelaya seemingly leaping from rooftop to rooftop to sidewalk to street, pursued through sunny Bogota by   Colombian cocaine cartel thugs, and as Saldana slithers and shakes and strips though slam-bang scenes of firefight and assassination and arguments with Uncle Emilio.

The movie, which is shot very well by Oliver Stapleton (though I thought the Bogota scenes were a little too hazy) just keeps piling it on. Besson and Kamen and Megaton somehow imagine a prison where prisoner Zoë pulls open vents, crawls through crawlspaces, kills another scumbag and escapes out the window, or where she blows up buildings single-handedly while being besieged by what seems several SWAT teams, or where she  engages in wild kung fu, feeds her victims to the sharks, or breaks into Don Luis’ hacienda and takes on everybody in sight — while dropping Catelaya orchids everywhere as her signature. And discussing her feelings with artist/lover Danny Delanay (Michael Vartan).

But this isn’t supposed to be an endless  hallucination brought on by too much cocaine. It’s a carefully plotted mass entertainment, intended for our amusement. We were not much amused, though at least we weren’t looking at our watch every ten minutes. There’s some crazy fun to be gotten out of all this, for someone, but it’s the kind of fun that leaves you feeling a little ashamed of yourself. Since when did it become a rule of thumb that action movies has to be so wildly over the top, so utterly senseless — all baloney, all the time?

Director Olivier Megaton, ex-graffiti artist and director of Transporter 3, gave himself his curious last name as an allusion to the Hiroshima A-Bomb, which I hope didn’t also inspire his career in film. He clearly doesn’t want to be confused with Olivier Assayas, though “Megaton” opens up so many pun opportunities for vicious critics that one would think that, in self defense, he might switch his name back to Fontana. Then again, anyone who‘d make a movie like Colombiana clearly has no fear of anything — especially movie critics.

As for Luc Besson, whose curious Franco-American work I’ve been following since his dialogue-less apocalyptic fable Le Dernier Combat in 1984,  he seems be able to knock off movies like this in his sleep, maybe especially in his sleep.  Every once in a while he does a sort of “serious” picture (The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc) or a sort of art film (Angel-A),  but he seems most comfortable making movies (or getting others to make them) like Colombiana — the only film I can think of recently where the publicists carefully informed us how to spell the title. That’s C-O-L-O-M-B-I-A-N-A. (They should have given us a Spell-check alert on “Amandla Stenberg,“ which I’ll bet came out as Amanda Steinberg somewhere.)

As for Zoë Saldana and the movie’s attempts to make her a female Arnold Schwarzenegger, or maybe the next Angelina Jolie, I’d rather see her taking off her clothes in a romantic comedy or drama any day, or even an action movie with a sensible script and less preposterous scenes. That might be fun to watch.

Comments are closed.

Wilmington

awesome stuff. OK I would like to contribute as well by sharing this awesome link, that personally helped me get some amazing and easy to modify. check it out at scarab13.com. All custom premade files, many of them totally free to get. Also, check out Dow on: Wilmington on DVDs: How to Train Your Dragon, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The Darjeeling Limited, The Films of Nikita Mikhalkov, The Hangover, The Human Centipede and more ...

cool post. OK I would like to contribute too by sharing this awesome link, that personally helped me get some amazing and easy to customize. check it out at scarab13.com. All custom templates, many of them dirt cheap or free to get. Also, check out Downlo on: Wilmington on Movies: I'm Still Here, Soul Kitchen and Bran Nue Dae

awesome post. Now I would like to contribute too by sharing this awesome link, that personally helped me get some beautiful and easy to modify. take a look at scarab13.com. All custom premade files, many of them free to get. Also, check out DownloadSoho.c on: MW on Movies: The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, Paranormal Activity 2, and CIFF Wrap-Up

Carrie Mulligan on: Wilmington on DVDs: The Great Gatsby

isa50 on: Wilmington on DVDs: Gladiator; Hell's Half Acre; The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Rory on: Wilmington on Movies: Snow White and the Huntsman

Andrew Coyle on: Wilmington On Movies: Paterson

tamzap on: Wilmington on DVDs: The Magnificent Seven, Date Night, Little Women, Chicago and more …

rdecker5 on: Wilmington on DVDs: Ivan's Childhood

Ray Pride on: Wilmington on Movies: The Purge: Election Year

Quote Unquotesee all »

“TIFF doesn’t make attendance numbers for its Lightbox screenings publicly available, so it’s difficult to gauge exactly how many filmgoers the Lightbox is attracting (or how much money it’s bringing in). But the King Street West venue hasn’t become a significant draw for film enthusiasts. The Lightbox’s attendance has plunged – 49,000 fewer visitors last year, a drop of 27 per cent, according to figures recently reported in the Toronto Star. Its gallery space – designed to showcase the visions of cinema’s most iconic filmmakers – saw most of its exhibitions staff quietly axed this past fall. And its marketing barely escapes the Lightbox’s walls. Unless you are a TIFF member or one of the city’s most avid filmgoers, you could walk by the Lightbox and remain blissfully unaware of a single thing that goes on inside. TIFF “still has a world-class brand,” said Barry Avrich, a filmmaker and former board member, “but it’s going to take some fresh vision from retail, consumer programming and marketing experts, given how the lines have become intensely blurred when it comes to how people watch film. They will have to experiment with programming to find the right blend of function and relevance.”
~ Globe & Mail Epic On State of Toronto Int’l (paywalled)

“I’m 87 years old… I only eat so I can smoke and stay alive… The only fear I have is how long consciousness is gonna hang on after my body goes. I just hope there’s nothing. Like there was before I was born. I’m not really into religion, they’re all macrocosms of the ego. When man began to think he was a separate person with a separate soul, it created a violent situation.

“The void, the concept of nothingness, is terrifying to most people on the planet. And I get anxiety attacks myself. I know the fear of that void. You have to learn to die before you die. You give up, surrender to the void, to nothingness.

“Anybody else you’ve interviewed bring these things up? Hang on, I gotta take this call… Hey, brother. That’s great, man. Yeah, I’m being interviewed… We’re talking about nothing. I’ve got him well-steeped in nothing right now. He’s stopped asking questions.”
~ Harry Dean Stanton