By David Poland firstname.lastname@example.org
Review: Fast Five
How much is there to say?
They took The Fast & The Furious and melded its genes with Soderbergh’s Ocean’s Eleven, The Magnificent Seven, The Italian Job, and Midnight Run. They
steal develop from the best.
It’s not very good. And that, in part, is because it’s trying so hard to pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. But that’s also why it’s entertaining.
I have no idea whether Justin Lin or anyone else involved with the film can actually shoot action because so much of it is CG. I’m not sure why I never got goofy about the film, giving in completely to its cartoonish, ethnically supercharged, sexually balanced pleasures. In the third act, I started laughing out loud at some of the more absurd or absurdly predictable moments… but I didn’t feel like I was disturbing the crowd, which was having fun.
The big action sequence near the end reminded me a lot of Michael Bay’s lowest moment, throwing corpses off a truck on a Miami causeway. It was just so over the top that I couldn’t find any way to stay with it, try though I may. But even more so, I was a little shocked by how much actually killing there was in this film. I didn’t remember that as a theme from the other films. Threats and guns and stuff, yes. But lots of random death in this movie… doesn’t seem to bother any of the characters anymore. For me, it created an edge that I didn’t find as amusing as I wanted.
I liked almost everyone in the film. It’s a very likeable, watchable cast. You have your core triangle of Growling Vin, Aging Walker, and Skinny (even 6 months pregnant) Jordana. There is the 2 Fast pairing of Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson. There’s Sung Kang, veteran of Tokyo Drift and F&F (aka #4). Matt Schulze returns to represent the first in the series. There’s a furious version of Scotty Caan & Casey Affleck with Tego Calderon (who was in the last one) and Don Omar, who makes his first appearance on camera after contributing music previously. And there is Elsa Pataky, who makes Brewster look fat in a bikini scene.
Now, we are ten.
Add The Rock and Gal Gadot to the mix as good guys who might… oh might…oh how they might… become ambivalent.
Now we are twelve… no, eleven… no, nine… no, ten…
Whatever. Who cares? It’s fast cars, skinny women who show their bodies off, and lots of sweat.
For me, it was Jack of all trades, Master of none. I would have preferred mastery of maybe one or two of the directions the film went in. But the kitchen sink is making good money, breaking records for the series. So there!
With all that going on, couldn’t Michelle Rodriguez’s ghost or her Rio look-a-like have turned up? Maybe they’re saving it for the sequel.