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David Poland

By David Poland

The End of Days: April 22, 2011

Another nothing news day that Mary Richards couldn’t make seem worthwhile…

Lindsay Lohan gets 120 days in jail and 50 8-hour days of community service , as a misdemeanor, for stealing a necklace. She’s appealing (as a legal matter, not as in “She’s CHARMING.”) If she’s serious about rebooting her career, she should skip the appeal, do the time, and come out contrite. If she’s just mouthing platitudes, she should fight this to the end of the earth, wear something that shows her g-string to the next hearing, and start planning to fake her death, ’cause that’s all that’s left. It’s amazing how forgiving this industry is… but you have to admit you have and you are f-ed up.

There is an event at Northwestern University this weekend called, “Illuminating The Shadows: Film Criticism In Focus,” this weekend. Besides the event being more accurately named “Chicago Film Criticism in Focus,” I am amused that they have brought together the group that has the least insight into the state of film criticism… film critics. (I believe MCN is better represented at the event than any other outlet except Time Out Chicago. Still, our lead critic, Michael Wilmington, who is more veteran than anyone involved except Jon Rosenbaum and Dave Kehr, was not invited to participate.)

Box Office Mojo was down for much of the day. So much for that study about Thursday’s box office take vs the last 17 years.

Even with a modest drop for Rio, Madea should win the weekend. Tyler Perry’s long ball hitter has come out to $22m, $30m, and $41m the first three times he’s put on the wig. I don’t know that he can crack $40m again, but that or a bit less should be plenty to pass Rio and completely dust Like Elephants for Chocolate. Of course, critics can’t get too enthusiastic, which is why the must-see of the weekend is getting positive, but meta-heavy reviews… Pom Wonderful presents The Greatest Documentary Ever Sold. It’s a special film. Funny and surprising, yet really enlightening. It makes you think about yourself and the world around you. Sometimes, you even root for the bad guy. A really pleasure to see.

ADDED, 11:18p – My brief tribute to Lumet (a proper tribute would take many hours), running this weekend on Ebert Presents.

31 Responses to “The End of Days: April 22, 2011”

  1. LexG says:

    What is DEEP GOLD, and why is it in 3D?

    Comes out today in LA. Poster suggests it’s some kind of INTO THE BLUE type deal with a lot of hot squizz in it.

    Anyone see it, or know what it is?

    Am I going to be bored in MEEK’S CUTOFF?

  2. sanj says:

    DP – any chance of a Lohan DP/30 this year ? 90% of entertainment reporters focus on her personal life but
    if she wants some movie awards she needs a DP/30 .
    is there’s a consipracy with the gurus of gold not interviewing her ?

    Film Criticism In Focus – 3 days. great but what’s the point if there’s no video / audio of this – i guess they want students to pay up hundreds of dollars for this.

    i think Pom Wondeful is an odd choice – why couldn’t Morgan get Coke/ Pepsi .. even Tropicana juices

    my problem is the price – those tiny bottles cost 4
    bucks but its totally worth it cause pom said so

    Morgan forces everybody who interviews him to drink it ..but after that any media people going
    to rush out and buy some ? after people go see the movie will they go to buy some ? nobody seems to be asking those questions – after the dvd comes out – will anybody remember what POM wonderful is ?

  3. movielocke says:

    Is that more punishment than what admitted rapist Polanski fled from? If such levels of punishment are enough to scare the revered pedophile then maybe it should scare Lohan too?

  4. IOv3 says:

    Lohan will probably get out in 21 days or some shit. Those folks can barely keep anyone in jail for these crimes and that those judges still hand out that amount of time, is fucking stupid.

  5. Geoff says:

    Great tribute, last night, Dave!

  6. LexG says:

    Where’s IO when you need him, though I guess a few others here tweet:

    Is Twitter just no longer incompatible with computers or something? I can’t tweet at all anymore from either of my two computers, on any browser. You hit the tweet button, it does nothing, the retweet does nothing, can’t add or delete people or tweets. Just NOTHING. Been going on for three days now. You can find some scattered complaints about it, but I guess the vast majority of people tweet from their phones, so they’re not affected.

    Anyone? IO?

  7. IOv3 says:

    Lex, go download tweetdeck, and see if you can tweet with it. If that does not work, we will go from there.

  8. Krillian says:

    Saw Rio and Hanna in the past 24 hours. Liked them both, but I’d say they’re mild thumbs up. Hanna kinda fizzled out in the end, but it had a Run Lola Run vibe going for a while, and I loved the soundtrack.

    Rio’s a good kids movie, and Jesse Eisenberg > Michael Cera.

  9. sanj says:

    new Vogue magazine shoot – i’m sure LEXG will like this
    but pretty sure DP will hate it

    Hailee Steinfeld, Chloe Moretz & Elle Fanning’s vogue picture

  10. Don Murphy says:

    All right I’ll increase the minimal page count and ask why these are called THE END OF DAYS. You finally decided to seek honest employment?

  11. IOv3 says:

    It has to do with the VOD silliness.

  12. LexG says:

    “Hailee Steinfeld, Chloe Moretz & Elle Fanning’s vogue picture…”

    I don’t click on strange sites, but that sounds like a GOOD IDEA if it’s true.

  13. sanj says:

    LexG – its true – just search google images. unless
    you think google is a strange site

  14. IOv3 says:


  15. LexG says:

    IO, strange sites = spy ware. I only visit a handful of trusted websites. New sites can give you weird shit. About two years ago, I went on a drunken porn-search bender, and next thing I knew I had some TERRIFYING shit that would redirect my google searches to a bunch of creepy shopping sites. Cost me 500 DOLLARS to recreate my hard drive and restore all my shit.

    So, nope: Five movie blogs, Twitter and Yahoo Mail. THAT. IS. ALL.

  16. IOv3 says:

    Yeah Lex, they have this new thing in browsers that DETECT BAD WEBSITES! Seriously, that’s the most ridiculous overreaction to something bad happening with malware ever.

    If you update, use c cleaner, and occasionally run spybot. Everything will be fine. Seriously, were you using IE when looking for that porn? How does that even happen?

    ETA: Seriously homie, if that sort of thing happened all you have to do is RESTORE! That’s it. Restore back a week or a month (if you have been installing your updates of course) and that should take care of it.

  17. LexG says:



  18. IOv3 says:

    Lex, I have a feeling someone reported your account and it’s been suspended for the time being. Go and install Tweetdeck and see if you can log in that way. Seriously, computers are easy to fix. You just have PTSD over something that just happened because you were probably using IE like a noob, and you just have to keep your head to fix it.

  19. LexG says:

    Suspended? I can log in. I can search. I just can’t tweet, retweet, or delete any of my tweets. When I click on any twitter button, it just refreshes the site. I’m sure this is riveting to David’s readers.

  20. IOv3 says:

    Yeah suspended. It can happen but they should have at least sent you an email telling you. download that and see if you can use twitter that way. If not, download Chrome, install the chrome bird extension, and go from there.

  21. sanj says:

    it could be interesting LexG – that Aaron Sorkin could make a movie out of twitter .

  22. LexG says:

    Yeah I’m not downloading anything.

    So pissed.

  23. IOv3 says:

    Yeah you fucked up like a noob using IE to look for porn. The fact that you are still scared when you have no reason to be, is mind-blowing. Shit, I had cornflicker some how randomly attack my computer a few years back, and it took a lot of music files. How it did that on a secondary hard drive is beyond me but it happened, and I got over it. Sure it sucks but that you still live in fear to use the internet like an adult is very fucked up man.

  24. LexG says:

    IO, there are more than a few people bitching that they can’t tweet from the web, so just for the time being, I’m going to assume it’s some wider problem and not that I’ve been ‘spended. I tried on Mozilla and IE, can’t tweet. I don’t get it. Fucking sucks. How am I going to drunkenly rant about shit all night?

  25. IOv3 says:


  26. Foamy Squirrel says:

    Honest employment? What’s that?

  27. Joe Leydon says:

    A joyous Easter to one and all!

  28. Foamy Squirrel says:

    …except you. Yes, up the back. You know who you are.

  29. The Big Perm says:

    You can get viruses on ANY site, they embed shit in the ads. If you visit CHUD, for a while they had all kinds of nasty awful viruses going on. I don’t know if it was through the ads, but they were bad.

    Probably just as well Lex doesn’t see that picture. He’d have to buy a new monitor because of boner damage.

  30. yancyskancy says:

    Lex, they’re dressed for a slumber party. So yeah, perhaps it’s best that you stay away from that site.

  31. Joe Leydon says:

    Lex: Don’t bother. No bare feet.

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