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David Poland

By David Poland poland@moviecitynews.com

BYOB – Gone Atonin'

76 Responses to “BYOB – Gone Atonin'”

  1. berg says:

    weekend highlights … the logo SMEG on a refrigerator in Surrogates .;.. Ellen Page in Whit It saying “Let’s go apeshit.” … Sunday: would you rather have lunch with John Phillips or Roman Polanski?

  2. Joe Leydon says:

    Roman Polanski. Because John Phillips is, you know, dead.

  3. LexG says:

    Anyone else watch tonight’s Entourage?
    MASTERPIECE.
    Malcolm McDowell, Kate Mara, Scott Caan, William Fichtner, David Faustin, William Forsythe, Dean Cain = awesomest cast ever (despite the lack of Stormare or Alexis Dziena this week.)
    The UCLA CHICK is ATOMIC HOTNESS and the GREATEST THING EVER and next week promises HOT UCLA CHICK ROMPING AND ROLLING ON BED. The E. VD scare was nerve-racking high intensity, and DID YOU SEE Vince banging that SCHMOKIN’ firecrotch on the intertube? BAM, MEGAHOTNESS.
    Plus I have to know if Poland liked the TWO Nikki Finke namedrops from Malcolm Motherfucking Awesomest Actor Ever McDowell. Like, the idea that Malcolm McDowell is even real and not a bioengineered ROBOT or SUPERNATURAL GOD is one thing, then to have the DUDE FROM CLOCKWORK ORANGE and CALIGULA talking about you on a show about banging hot chicks? If I were Nikki Finke I’d make a shirt that says THE DUDE FROM CLOCKWORK ORANGE SAID MY NAME BOO-YEAH.
    It’d be like if Michael Caine showed up on Sons of Anarchy and told Jax that he couldn’t make the gun drop that night because he wanted to watch LexG’s YouTube videos.
    Anyway, doesn’t ENTOURAGE make you guys PUMPED UP to really DO SHIT in life? Like, THIS is what we were meant to do on this earth.
    KEVIN DILLON = GOD. BOW.

  4. LYT says:

    Watching a screener from Maya Entertainment — who previously sent out that notoriously unwatchable one for the pretty good movie SLEEP DEALER.
    I have to say — THREE watermarks, one of which is a huge logo in the upper right-hand corner, another of which is dead-center of the screen — PLUS running Timecode at the top…is kind of a dick move to reviewers. Are Mexican genre movies really getting bootlegged that badly?
    Watching this is a bit like looking into those depth perception images to see the 3-d shape.

  5. Stella's Boy says:

    Not that I would expect quality from Platinum Dunes, since they’re allergic to it, but the teaser for A Nightmare on Elm Street left me cold. I don’t like Freddy’s look (thus far) and what’s up with his voice? It’s not menacing; it’s silly (sounds like he has something lodged in his throat). I’m amazed that horror fans are eating it up. Throw a few slick visuals at them and they cream their pants. “Oh it looks so dark and moody and intense.” Whatever. Looks like more garbage from Platinum Dunes.

  6. Watermarks on screeners serve zero purpose. I mean, in what way is that a theft deterrent? Makes no sense AND ruins a critics ability (or anyones) to enjoy the film. Lameness.

  7. christian says:

    With all the ridiculous chyrons that cover the TV screen these days, they probably figure folks are used to not seeing the whole actual image anymore. Another reason I can’t stand to watch TV…

  8. Foamy Squirrel says:

    Okay, here’s a spinoff from a conversation I had yesterday that I couldn’t answer. What are packaging producers actually selling to studios?
    Crap films are put out all the time, indie or studio. Somewhere along the line, someone thought “Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li” was a sufficiently good idea to pump millions of dollars to be greenlit. But even before that, some producer came forward and said “I’ve got an idea for a movie, may or may not have a script already, and may or may not have actors/directors attached. Are you interested?”
    At that point there’s no way of knowing whether there’s an audience for it, whether the shooting script will be any good, whether the performances will be any good… whatever. Yet, for example, New Line were willing to buy the pitch for The Hangover for $750,000. What are they ACTUALLY paying for? And, possibly more importantly, why are they essentially paying the producer a finders fee? What value is that producer adding that they can’t do themselves?
    I couldn’t articulate a satisfactory answer, yet projects are still put into development every day.

  9. jennab says:

    Have you guys seen this Aqua Teen intro in which the old time movie treats get SCHOOLED in the art of movie etiquette from the hardcore new kids on the block…? Hi-lar…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRn15vwcXyU

  10. David Poland says:

    Luke… this was the film that became a battle here on the blog and elsewhere when they sent it to Chicago critics and one decided to review the watermarks instead of the movie.
    And indeed, they are really bad.

  11. Chucky in Jersey says:

    Hollywood is out of ideas: Warner Bros. have announced a movie version of 90’s/00’s sitcom “Friends”.

  12. LexG says:

    How did Matt LeBlanc sell the studio on that?

  13. IOIOIOI says:

    A Friends movie makes sense. It just does. TV is the new MOVIES. You have those boxsets moving all day everyday. You have the show still being shown in syndication. You also have all six of those people still being some what famous. While one of them is extremely famous. So, again, it makes sense.
    Why it took SATC to make studios realize that big screen adaptation of TV show is a GOOD THING. Remains baffling to me.

  14. martin says:

    D&D Soda, my life is complete:
    http://www.myjones.com/code/limited.php

  15. IOIOIOI says:

    Congratulations on this momentous occasion. Here’s to you and your family.

  16. LYT says:

    “Luke… this was the film that became a battle here on the blog and elsewhere when they sent it to Chicago critics and one decided to review the watermarks instead of the movie.”
    David – I know SLEEP DEALER was that film (thankfully I caught that one in a screening room). This is another film from the same distrib called BAJO LA SOL. Just wanted to give the heads-up that they have not been dissuaded. Awful watermarks PLUS running timecode.
    At least the watermarks don;t move, though. That’s a dealbreaker for me.

  17. LYT says:

    Also : PARANORMAL ACTIVITY opens at the Arclight this Friday. If you’re a fan of creepy horror, go see it.
    Overhype may be hurting expectations, so know that it’s low-key and low-budget. But a brilliant use of limited resources.

  18. The so-called Friends movie was “confirmed” by the guy who played Gunther, the coffee shop owner. Wasn’t the Sex and the City movie announcement a much bigger deal than this?
    Besides, I imagine they’d wait to see what the reaction is to the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode featuring the Seinfeld cast is like. If it gets big ratings then it might people want to see 1990s sitcoms anew.

  19. LexG says:

    “Wasn’t the Sex and the City movie announcement a much bigger deal than this?”
    Not to anyone who likes vagina.

  20. LYT says:

    Disagree. Kristin Davis shower scene in SATC movie is hotter than anything that will EVER be in a FRIENDS movie. Guaranteed.
    DAVIS POWER. BOW. BONER.

  21. Noah says:

    Luke, the point of that shower scene was that she drinks the water (in Mexico) and then has diarrhea. But hey, some dudes are into scat I guess.

  22. LexG says:

    You know, I always thought this Chris O’Donnell was kind of a douche, but he’s on Ferguson right now and seems like a pretty genuinely nice, normal guy.
    I always wonder how dudes like this, or Chris Klein, or whoever who seem like pretty mellow cats actually get a good career going in Hollywood, because you have to be so ass-kissing and aggro and a shady hustler and be so intense about getting yourself out there, and deal with basically the shadiest people imaginable. Yet O’Donnell or Hartnett or someone, they just seem like some chill dude who’d be working as a student teacher if the acting thing hadn’t worked out.
    INTERESTING POST.

  23. LYT says:

    “Luke, the point of that shower scene was that she drinks the water (in Mexico) and then has diarrhea. But hey, some dudes are into scat I guess.”
    That may be the narrative point. Just as the shower scenes in Last House on the Left are about innocence that will later be brutally taken.
    This DOES NOT MEAN said shower scenes are not hot, even if what comes later is designed to make you feel guilty about it. Especially in the age of DVD chapters.

  24. LYT says:

    Put another way: Do you feel bad about liking love scenes from DUEL IN THE SUN, even though participants end up killing themselves?
    Far lesser sin to like nude shower scene, despite fact that later on it narratively leads to participant crapping her pants.

  25. Joe Leydon says:

    Interesting notion, LexG. Do some actors (such as the three you mention in your post) never make it past a certain level because they lack sufficient drive? Or is it more a case that, after a certain point, they’re simply written off as affable lightweights who lack the range — or intensity — needed for more substantial parts? Is it a question of talent, self-direction, or perception? How much does something as ineffable as star presence enter into the equation? Or does it all boil down to the luck of the draw? In other words: If, say, Titanic had never happened, would Leonardo DiCaprio be where he is now? If Matthew McConaughey makes bad choices for his next five projects, does he wind up playing the lead in a TNT cop show? And what ever happened to Paul Le Mat?

  26. yancyskancy says:

    Paul Le Mat is one of my Facebook friends. So he’s got THAT going for him. Yeah, I think young actors who are more affable than edgy have a hard time carving out a long-term leading-man career.

  27. LexG says:

    Paul Le Mat rules. I always wonder if he kinda hates Jeff Fahey, for basically being THE EXACT SAME PERSON, down to the omnipresent checkered shirt in every role, and for taking over his leading-man career from 1986 to the late ’90s.
    Even before his recent cult status thanks to CHUN-LI, I always thought Chris Klein was kind of awesome. Guy should be in more stuff, not just that Hallmark channel bullshit.
    HEY, has anyone actually WATCHED Titanic since 1999? I haven’t seen it beginning to end since ’98, but have this OVERWHELMING urge to fire it up on DVD sometime soon. I know I’m going to sit there crying like a little girl, because I just watched two seconds of it on YouTube and was already depressed out of my mind just hearing that stupid funereal music.
    I don’t even know that I’d be crying over the great Jack and Rose love that never could be… I think I’d be bawling just because that movie’s 1997 AS FUCK, was like the biggest thing ever and I associate it with being a much younger, skinnier, happier, saner, more wholesale, more likable person with thicker hair and an arsenal of striped-sleeve Structure sweatshirts.

  28. LexG says:

    HA, long as I’m totally sober for the sixth mind-numbing day, might as well further your boredom on this subject and be egotistical as always. You will laugh and cry:
    You know how like every year they have the new IT stars of tomorrow that they profile in EW and Vanity Fair. Well, I moved here for good in ’96 and instantly enrolled in classes and would go try out those scam management places, sent out headshots, was doing standup, all that shit. Trying in hilarious outta-state dork earnestness to mail my queries to agents and managers and shit, etc.
    Anyway, that ’96-’97 era, the big new names that were just breaking were like Skeet Ulrich, Affleck and Damon, Favreau and Vaughn, Amanda Peet, Rose McGowan, Jason Lee, Matthew Lillard, Breckin Meyer, Liv Tyler, Johnny Whitworth, Rudd, McConaughey, Cole Hauser, Denise Richards, Harold Parrineau, Claire Danes, Liev Schreiber, etc etc.
    This was like the total Scream/Swingers/Romeo + Juliet era.
    Anyway, I’d read about all these new IT dudes and chicks be like, OH YEAH, I’m hitting town JUST at the right time. Kept reading how it was a great time for NEW YOUNG ACTORS who were taking over. Still have some EW from that era profiling all these dudes. Figured like, any day now I’ll be auditioning alongside these guys and I’ll be part of this awesome clique and ROLLIN’ with my new buddy SKEET, hitting up the clubs and partying with Danes and Tyler and shit.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Needless to say, didn’t quite work out. I like to occasionally envision some alternate reality where I’ve been a fourth banana in movies since ’97, but meanwhile Ron Livingston’s been working in a North Hollywood post bunker transcribing spotting scripts for back-vault episodes of “Quincy MD” for 40k.

  29. The Big Perm says:

    Joe, I’d say a lot of those pretty boy actors who are light on talent, like O’Donnell are destined to have a short time in the limelight. DiCaprio may have been launched in a huge way after Titanic, but he already had respect as a good actor before that. And I’d say he sort of squandered his Titantic white-hot heat (although obviously it’s always going to be there in soem form) because after that movie, he didn’t make some blockbuster…he made Man in the Iron Mask and The Beach.
    Better to be an ugly guy with personality like Bogart. That way you can at least play character parts if the star thing doesn’t work out.

  30. Joe Leydon says:

    Could be that affable lightweights had a longer shelf life back in the day. Think about it: Fred MacMurray… Robert Wagner… George Hamilton… Van Johnson… Not to say these guys were bad actors — quite often, they rose to some pretty formidable challenges — but not exactly avatars of gratitas, either.

  31. Wrecktum says:

    I think that Lex’s 3:43 AM post is one of the best things ever. See what can happen when you don’t drink 15 beers and then post?
    He and I are the same age, and his early L.A. experiences hit home. Swingers was both the best and worst thing for a new 20-something transplant. It captured the vibe of the city perfectly, but was so naturalistic that shlubs like me actually believed they could go to the Derby and pick up intensely hot pieces of ass like Heather Graham. Sigh.

  32. christian says:

    SWINGERS is a CHARMING fantasy.

  33. jeffmcm says:

    I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again re: Lex’s job – steady pay, little stress, no early mornings, and probably a short commute? Lex, your job sounds AWESOME and I would take it tomorrow.

  34. martin says:

    Wow, how did I miss this in the 80s? Never even knew this existed until I was reading the Ghostbusters wiki today. Should have definitely been included on the S.E. DVD release:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqIidDuOuZQ

  35. LexG says:

    Martin: One of the greatest videos ever made. Almost nothing makes me happier than random celebrity cameos… I always remember Chevy and DeVito and Candy being in that, but was delighted anew at the *awesome* and utterly random appearance of Jeffrey Tambor back when he had his Saturday the 14th/Three’s Company hair.
    If I haven’t made the point before, 1974-1992 Chevy is GOD.

  36. The Big Perm says:

    Yeah wow, can’t believe Jeffrey Tambor was in that. What a great video, and they even made Bill Murray dance. I don’t think he’d do that today!

  37. LexG says:

    I can’t believe I’m stumped, and I’ll probably feel like a dumb-ass when someone tells me, but who is the cameo at 2:23? (The next one after Candy). It looks like an older (for 1984) Tawny Kitaen by way of one of the SNL ladies of that time… but I can’t place her at all.
    Everyone else is aces.

  38. Mr. Peel says:

    Looks like Melissa Gilbert to me.

  39. LexG says:

    Oh, and martin and co…
    How about this classic? Wait for the background singers in white suits:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35YivWEs3zw
    They should TOTALLY make a Billy Ocean biopic starring Isaac de Bankole called INTO THE OCEAN.

  40. martin says:

    The celeb cameos are all the better because many of them were originally considered for roles in the film (Chase and Candy for sure). The whole 80s feel to is it great from the neon sets to the kind of cheesy mattes. But the ending with the whole crew in Times Square is my favorite, that’s great stuff. Can’t believe I had never seen this before.

  41. martin says:

    Never a big Jewel of the Nile fan but it’s definitely a classic 80s video. I’m surprised they got all 3 of the lead actors to act and sing in the video, that sort of thing happens to rarely anymore.
    While we’re on it, my favorite 80s teaser trailer:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJhbkpU0LE4

  42. LexG says:

    LEXG FOLLOWUP to an earlier post above: Guess how THE LEXMAN spent his Tuesday evening?
    Yes, watching TITANIC.
    HOLY SHIT AM I DEPRESSED. I cried — nee, fucking BAWLED — through almost all 3-plus hours of that. Hadn’t seen it in 12 years, but FUCK is it *AWESOME.* Fucking TRAGEDY that all we remember about it 12 years on is the HORRIBLE theme song, because the romance is a heartbreaker and the last 90 minutes is some of the most insane, cinematic shit ever put to film.
    Do you dudes remember that stretch where Leo’s handcuffed down in the lower levels and Winslet goes down to save him, and it’s all these Kubrickian-lit hallways and far-off doors and droning noises and then the power goes out? FUCK, if all you remember is the shitty theme song and KING OF THE WORLD, you need to revisit this shit STAT, because those lower-level rescue scenes and escape stuff is the BEST SHIT CAMERON’S EVER DONE, just mind-boggling in terms of scope, craftsmanship and emotion.
    Gotta say, the FAKE-ASS CGI ICEBERG hasn’t aged well at all, but for something I’d (and a lot of other people had) written off as some schmaltzy teen-girl relic of the ’90s, it holds up PERFECTLY…
    AND it’s a depressing reminder of BETTER TIMES. FUCK, DO YOU PEOPLE REMEMBER YOURSELF IN 1997? How you were all younger, nicer, and better than you are now, all optimistic and earnest instead of blackhearted, bitter and hateful? All that is totally independent of the movie itself, but it TOTALLY took me back to those Romeo + Juliet era days where Leo was the new coolest thing ever, and chicks were all falling over this kinda shit in their EXPRESS sweaters…
    Winslet RUUUUUULES in this movie, CHARMING and DELIGHTFUL and sympathetic and supernaturally AWESOME. She should have WON for THIS shit… Rose would be the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER, and Winslet needs to be in MORE AWESOME WICKED SHIT with action where she’s all coming to the guy’s rescue and being a badass wielding axes and running from THE ZANE. In fact, THIS WILL PLEASANTLY SURPRISE YOU, but Winslet always HAS kinda given me a GIANT BONER, and it would RULE if she cut with the PRESTIGE BULLSHIT and did a HARDCORE ACTION MOVIE where she toned up and WORE A CATSUIT and some BIG SUNGLASSES and LAID MOTHERFUCKERS OUT in between doing her standard levels of nudity.
    WINSLET POWER. LEO POWER. MASTERPIECE.
    I’m still sobbing like a BITCH and I don’t care. BOW TO TITANIC. Seriously, check it out again and YOU WON’T EVEN BELIEVE how well it holds up and how AWESOME Cameron’s direction is. It’s like Kubrick by way of McTiernan by way of Spielberg with some ONE-LOCALE WATER-BOUND SHIT that has CLEAR LIGHTING instead of MURK.
    PLEASE ALL DIRECTORS OF THE WORLD, TAKE NOTE NOW: OVERLIGHT your shit, DO NOT UNDERLIGHT IT.

  43. leahnz says:

    “Do you dudes remember…”
    i don’t know about the dudes but i remember. i dig ‘titanic’, disaster movie extraordinaire — and people who harp on about the clunky dialog and b zane’s acting are missing the point entirely imho, it’s intentionally written like an incredibly long saturday morning serial rife with action/adventure! romance! melodrama! suspense!danger! and tragedy! will our young hero save the lovely rose from the clutches of her dastardly betrothed? together will they thwart his evil ruse and survive the sinking of the great ocean liner?
    plus, kate and leo’s chemistry is undeniable; having us experience the unfolding drama of the extremely well-executed disaster through the eyes of jack & rose, the young lovers, was a shrewd call on big jim’s part. i’ll be damned if i couldn’t have scoochied over to fit that slimline cutiepie jack on that big bit of floating wood.

  44. LexG says:

    DiCaprio RULES THE FUCKING WORLD in that movie.
    Can ANY OF YOU even BEGIN to comprehend what it would’ve been to be DiCAPRIO THE GOD in 1996/1997, following up ROMEO + JULIET with THE BIGGEST HIT OF ALL TIME, a movie that depicts you as THE MOST AWESOME DUDE EVER?
    Holy shit, check out his ALL-ONE-LENGTH COIF in TITANIC and just sit back and BOW. I wish I could get that kind of haircut going at age 37, but instead I’m blessed with a thinning top a la that DOUCHEBAG from Bill Maher’s show with the nervous voice (I have NO IDEA what his name is, but Maher brings him out as the third panelist a lot and he did man on the street interviews at the conventions.)
    Anyway, I am graced with CHARLES DURNING BALDNESS at age 37 where I have a hairline but the shit on top looks like SEE THRU COTTON CANDY… but BOW TO LEO’S HAIR.
    Then BOW to the POSSIBILITIES OF HAVING BEEN 1997-1998 DICAPRIO.
    Can you EVEN COMPREHEND IT? HOW can you not ADMIT and CONCEDE that YOUR LIFE is inherently INFERIOR, that LEO is by every definition A BETTER HUMAN BEING than your nobody ass?
    How does this not RIP YOUR SOUL APART EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY, that you’re stuck toiling in obscurity, when there is a man out there who is RECOGNIZABLE TO EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET, which is to say EVERY HOT CHICK ON THIS PLANET WOULD HAVE SEX WITH HIM.
    Would EVERY HOT CHICK have sex with you?
    No? THEN WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? WHY ARE YOU NOT SUICIDAL?
    WHAT ONE MAN CAN DO ANOTHER MAN CAN DO.
    IF ONE MAN CAN BE LEO, SO SHOULD ALL MEN. Or at least ALL MEN SHOULD ASPIRE TO IT.
    I am depressed every second of my life over these distinctions, BUT I HONESTLY DON’T THINK ANY OF YOU PEOPLE EVEN CARE.
    If you compare yourself to LEO, what the FUCK do you have to be HAPPY about? NOTHING. NOTHING.
    YOU ARE NOBODY, LEO IS GOD. On that SCALE, you are PURE GARBAGE.
    Just fucking ADMIT IT.

  45. LexG says:

    And I expect an answer from EVERY SINGLE REGULAR on here to my 4:26 post.
    PLEASE describe why YOUR worthless life has ANY meaning when compared to DiCaprio.
    He is GOD and you (like me) are WORTHLESS GARBAGE if you’re not famous. How do you live with yourself?

  46. torpid bunny says:

    DiCaprio probably wishes he was Nicholson appearing in legitimately historic flicks like Chinatown and the Shining that will hold up for centuries, not second-rate career-decline Scorsese, and wishes he had unlimited 70’s poon like Nicholson. Nicholson probably wishes he was Brando with like global poon powers. Brando probably wished he was Fanny Arbuckle or something. And so on.
    I’ve observed that many very very wealthy people have one problem. They’re not wealthy enough.

  47. LexG says:

    DiCaprio = Dated or dating BAR RAFAELI, and previously GISELLE BUNDCHEN. YOU CANNOT TOP THAT. YOU CANNOT. You can ONLY BOW.
    Now, don’t get me wrong, THE SHINING is my favorite movie of ALL TIME other than Fight Club and Boogie Nights, and Chinatown and Last Detail are way up there, but Leo’s no slouch with Gangs, Titanic, Aviator and the motherfucking DEPARTED… plus he’s only the age that Nicholson was when Nicholson was still doing Corman shit. Leo never has to be in anything other than masterpieces from here out with his clout, so he’ll surely keep pace with Jack for years to come.
    DICAPRIO POWER. YOU KNOW YOU WISH YOU WERE HIM.
    Where can I rent that movie where he and the Pussy Posse browbeat women in B&W? I’ve seen clips and IT IS THE LIFE I WISH I HAD.

  48. martin says:

    Well these are fairly comprehensive lists. DiCaprio Vs. Nicholson, I’d have to give the slight edge to DiCaprio:
    http://www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrities/people/dating/leonardo-dicaprio.htm
    http://www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrities/people/dating/jack-nicholson.htm

  49. LexG says:

    SLIGHT????
    UM, LOOK AT LEO’S LIST. LOOK AT IT!
    OH, MY GODDDDDDDD. That is my DREAM TEAM OF VAG (except for Sara Gilbert.)
    Plus most of Nicholson’s chicks are 50 years old now.
    I AM HORNY.

  50. martin says:

    R&J followed by Titanic was ultimate “pussy posse” combo, no matter what he did after those 2 films, he was set for life. It is kind of interesting that a guy in his position basically went for the hottest actress/model chicks around, one after another. If I had the ultimate options I always figured I’d mix in some regular girls, you know some variety. Having gone out with a couple similar type of girls (though not celebs) I personally could see getting bored with the “type” for reasons I’m not going to get into here. But I’ll give him credit, he does have good taste.

  51. LexG says:

    FUCK “regular girls.”
    Hell, if I was DANNY MCBRIDE I’d never date NON-FAMOUS again as long as I lived. FAME IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THIS PLANET, and the ultimate sign of BEING GOD would be that you’re a banging a chick WHO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS AND WISHES THEY WERE BANGING.
    THAT IS TRUE POWER. Chris O’Donnell is maybe the nicest guy in the world, but his wife is a SCHOOL TEACHER? See, I wouldn’t go for that because no one knows who she is.
    YOU HAVE TO MAKE OTHERS ENVIOUS OF YOU, that is SHEER POWER. Plus women WHO ARE IN MOVIES are NATURALLY HOTTER than ANY OTHER WOMEN IN THE WORLD.
    And you can fuck right on off with that I SEE CHICKS AT THE MALL WHO LOOK BETTER THAN SO-AND-SO bullshit, because a) YOU DON’T, b) WHO CARES, c) NO ONE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE.
    You need to be THE ENVY of every man, woman and child on this planet AND RUB IT IN that you are INHERENTLY SUPERIOR in the Darwinistic/Nietszhchehean kind of way.
    FAME = POWER = PUSSY = GOD.
    WHAT PART do you people NOT UNDERSTAND?
    HOW DO YOU NOT want to be FAMOUS?
    Holy shit, I should do MOTIVATIONAL COURSES on this subject for struggling actors so they know what to set their sights on.
    I know EXACTLY how to navigate everything, I just don’t have anyone willing to take a chance on me and PUT ME IN A MOVIE.
    Like, MY THEATER BUDDIES have me trying my hand at STAGE again, but FUCK THEATER. NO ONE SEES IT.
    THEATER IS LIKE MOVIES FOR PEOPLE WHO SUCK.

  52. LexG says:

    Also, unrelated, you know what movie FUCKING COMMANDS 100000 TIMES harder than anyone gave it credit for back in the day?
    DEAD PRESIDENTS. Holy shit, it’s been on cable all month and that shit is the fucking WICKED SHIT, especially that robbery setpiece at the end and it’s chockful of PEOPLE WHO ARE FAMOUS NOW in early roles, like Chris Tucker, Terrence Howard, Clifton Collins Jr., and like 6000 others I can’t remember now.
    I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN DEAD PRESIDENTS because I’m the same age as those dudes. How come I didn’t get an audition back in the day? Like my first couple movies should have been Dead Presidents, Scream, The Game, Clay Pigeons, Body Shots and a bunch of shit back in that era.
    And today I’d be like KEVIN CORRIGAN or Collins or Cole Hauser or one of those dudes.
    THAT’S what the fuck I should be — a beloved pushing-40 character actor who still acts like a young hip-hop dude… not some sadsack office drone.
    HELP MAKE UP FOR THIS TRAGIC OVERSIGHT and CAST ME IN A MOVIE RIGHT NOW.
    DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT.

  53. torpid bunny says:

    I’m sorry, I have to defend Nicholson here. Dicaprio’s filmography is lightweight next to Nicholson’s. Let’s break it down. Titanic? Great movie, but Leo’s role could be played by lots of actors. Gangs of New York? Script issues, and if it’s memorable it’s not because of Leo, it’s because of Mr. Lewis. Aviator? Very boring, didn’t get it. I think Dicaprio is a great actor with tons of potential. He’s definitely come into his own in the last few years. He was great in Blood Diamond despite Jennifer Connolly’s dead fish routine and a generic script, and he was great in the Departed, but it wasn’t a great movie, and I think Nicholson was better in that very movie! People acted like he was hamming it up, but I think his performance really holds up, and if the movie had risen to his level it would have been more recognized.
    It’s like people comparing Lebron and MJ. Nicholson has the rings. He dominated the game for decades. He’s absolutely a top shelf film icon standing next to Bogart, Wayne, Brando, Ingrid Bergman, etc. It’s not even clear Dicaprio is the best of his generation, what with Damon and Pitt, and I’d definitely put him below Crowe. Whereas I’d take Nicholson over De Niro and Pacino. At his best he just has more game than his competitors. If anyone can pretend to hang with him in presence and force of personality it’s Daniel Day Lewis.
    Look, Kubrick wanted Nicholson to play Napoleon in what was going to be his magnum opus. Napoleon! And this was even before Easy Rider hit! CASE CLOSED.

  54. Lota says:

    agreed torpid bunny
    i was way more impressed with Leo before he grew up.

  55. LexG says:

    Guess what it’s time for, fans????
    LEXG’S SUPERMARKET STRIKEOUT, 9/30/09 EDITION:
    Guess who was at the GROCERY STORE at 11pm, to buy some BOOZE. FUCK YEAH, THE GOD OF ALL, LEXMAN. (Really you’ll want to read on, it’s going to be good…)
    So I usually get off work and go to the MARKET so late, the stock crew is already tearing shit apart, and it’s all depressing and I have to climb over boxes in my bad untucked shirt, which is a FOOLING-NO ONE MOVE to conceal the beer belly.
    I’m buying my usual frozen dinners, Saltines, and ALCOHOL, the only things I EVER buy, because that is my diet.
    So who comes ROLLING up the aisle but some SHMOKIN’ HOT ASSPIECE brunette chick, all HOT and AWESOME and wearing JEANS and toiling in the CRACKER AISLE. And I’m all thinking, FUCK YEAH LET ME SEE THAT ASS CHICK YEP YEP.
    But what I’m NOT SAYING is that, because instead I’m all APOLOGETIC AND DOUCHESTASTIC when I have to pass her to buy my SALTINES, and I mousily say EXCUSE ME, and this chick is SMOOOOOOKING FUCKING HOT, TOTAL PIECE OF ASS WITH THE DARK HAIR and VAGUELY EURASIAN (my favorite YEP), and even has the cute CAT LADY GLASSES.
    But I don’t do jack or shit, go on about my way like a SELF-HATING BITCH-ASS BITCH, and proceed directly to buy my PABST BLUE RIBBON and BOTTLE OF BEAM. Sure enough, I come up behind her later and I’m focusing on that ROCK-HARD SMOKING ASS, walking behind her like YEP YOU KNOW, and of COURSE who comes out from behind the GIFT CARD KISOK, but some DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCHEBAG in a FUCKING MIZZOU HAT and TANK TOP and all tall and STUPID and he’s like a DUDE WEARING FLIP FLOPS.
    POP QUIZ: How do you know you’re gay?
    A: You’re a man who wears SANDALS.
    But anyway they probably went home and CALLED EACH OTHER “BABE” A LOT and this dude — do not tell anyone, this is very hush-hush — But that dude, he’s probably FUCKING HER right now. Just straight up DICKIN’ that hot-ass tang.
    And I’m drinking warm PABST and rewatching SONS OF ANARCHY and posting on Jeff Wells’ blog.
    MY LIFE IS BULLSHIT.
    FUCKING DRUNK-DRIVING LAWS, too. I can’t even GO TO A BAR because the DUI LAWS are INSANE and RETARDED. Like, hey MADD, sorry, but four beers don’t turn a 240lb man into a balls-tripping acidhound driving his Taurus off the rails. But because I’m a giant pussy I DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE, unlike EVERYONE IN L.A., who go out EVERY NIGHT and get LIT THE FUCK UP and just chance it. Then act all sanctimonious about drankin’ and drivin’.
    They should make a NEW LAW that if you can HANDLE YOUR SHIT, you can drink and drive. That way I could leave the fucking house.
    Anyway, forget that shit, and just remember that there was an ASSPIECE CHICK in the store and I got dissed. WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
    FUCK IT ALL AND FUCK IT NO REGRETS. — HETFIELD.

  56. LexG says:

    HOLY FUCK is this THE REAL NAOMI WATTS, AKA NAOMI HOTTS-AS-FUCK, in KING KONG’S PAW, in this stupid commercial???
    You know what would rule is if KING KONG had BLOWN A GIANT LOAD ON HER and coated her in white molten jizz head to toe. Same thing with HOT-AS-ASS 1976 Jessica Lange in the BEST KONG MOVIE EVER.
    1976 KONG = JOHN BARRY = BRIDGES = GRODIN = LAUTER = LANGE ATOMIC MEGAFUCKINGHOTNESS = TEE HEE FROM LIVE AND LET DIE = BEST MOVIE EVER MADE.
    The ’33 shit FUCKING SUCKS unless you’re old motherfucker like Cadavra or Christian.
    ALL MOVIES BEFORE 1960 are pretty much BULLSHIT anyway unless they have The Duke, Dean or Brando.
    BELIEVE THAT.

  57. Cadavra says:

    Hey, Christian, wanna get together for the Early Bird Dinner at Denny’s and then go play a few hands of whist?

  58. christian says:

    Say you mug, that’s a swell idea! 23 Skidoo!

  59. jeffmcm says:

    Naomi Watts who turned 41 a few days ago?

  60. LexG says:

    ^ Your point? ^
    Also, I doubt she’s a day over 34.

  61. jeffmcm says:

    You lie!

  62. Joe Leydon says:

    I don’t know how to break this to you, LexG, but at 57, I’m probably older than all these guys you dis as fossils. And yet, even with two arthritic knees, I bet I can kick your ass. Not that I’d want to, you understand. But still…

  63. LexG says:

    Leydon: You act 20 years younger than the people I’m talking about, and 90 years younger than Sheriff Schoolmarm McDouche.
    Sort of like how, yeah, maybe numerically Watts, or Gwen Stefani, or even Madonna would seem to be above my cutoff, but you get a dispensation if YOU ARE AWESOME and still ACT COOL and in the case of those women STILL LOOK SMOKING HOT.

  64. IOIOIOI says:

    Your life is bullshit? OH SNAP!

  65. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, if you were actually funny or charming, you wouldn’t be calling me names.

  66. jeffmcm says:

    (…because I wouldn’t be complaining about you under those obviously never-to-happen conditions.)

  67. Wrecktum says:

    I think it’s “fuck it all and fucking no regrets,” Lex, which is fairly insignificant but does change the meaning slightly. Certainly it’s easier to sing.

  68. LexG says:

    YES Check out Wrecktum being AWESOME. I knew I liked this dude.
    DAMAGE INCORPORATED POWER. MASTER OF PUPPETS POWER. While I’m at it, DYER’S EVE POWER, since I think that might have the same lyric (even though I never get to that song because I peak with minute 47 of “To Live is to Die.”)
    I am going to fire that up right now. Fuck, I wish I was drinking tonight.
    McDouche: I have NOOOOOOO IDEA what you’re rambling on about, but it’s so charming when you come back from the bar all hopped up on Bartles and Jaymes and post drunk. Only instead of ranting about some awesome shit like VAG or ELLEN PAGE or MICHAEL BAY or MEGAN FOX or TWILIGHT or LIMP BIZKIT, you choose to waste your drunk-posts on talking about me.
    Also, my SUPERMARKET STRIKEOUT post above was a work of genius. You all need to re-read it, because I’m VERY PROUD of my use of “asspiece,” which is a great new addition to my list of sexist descriptions for hot women.

  69. LYT says:

    ST. ANGER POWER. I seem to be the only guy I know who thinks it might be the best Metallica disc ever.
    Possibly because every song is about alcoholism.

  70. LexG says:

    LYT:
    Kill ‘Em All is my favorite, even though it has a few clunkers, because I like the tinny, early trash E-cord sound.
    Master of Puppets is objectively the best all-around album, with nary a bad song or note, some great bass moments and melodic slow spots.
    Ride the Lightning has some CLASSIC shit and I love it because it’s got Mustaine written ALL over it… but the two or three bad songs on there are pretty weak.
    And Justice for All is 10000% epic thrash ownage; Black Album just got so fucking overplayed, but actually it’s just non-famous songs that play like shitty filler. NO ONE on this planet has ever listened to the back half of that album since they day they bought it.
    Load and Reload are both underrated if WAY overlong; Reload has some AWESOME shit on it actually.
    That new one is kinda soulless and obvious in trying to return to the roots; Only listened to it once, didn’t care…
    But ST. ANGER is kind of underrated (if FAR from their best); Lars’s drums sound like absolute shit and all the songs go on 65 minutes too long, but it’s far more hardcore and legit than the new one some people blew their wad over. The title track is AWESOME AS FUCK and whatever that one is where James says SHOOT ME AGAIN I AIN’T DEAD YET fucking RULES ALL. Yeah, that one gets a bad rap.
    Tomorrow, Lex bores you with recaps of the Pantera, Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies and Megadeth discographies!

  71. LYT says:

    Between Load and Reload, there is ONE great album waiting to be had…unfortunately, the non-great stuff really bites.
    The new one is better than you think. Listen a few more times.

  72. christian says:

    Maybe Lex is Chuck Klosterman incognito.

  73. Little late on this, but when I was a kid, I was a BIG “American Graffiti” fan. It had Han Solo! But soon Paul LeMat returned to Petaluma (“American Graffiti” was filmed here) to star in “P.K. and the Kid.” And early predecessor to “Over the Top.”
    The whole town turned out to see the big wristwrestling showdown scene and me and some friends got to be extras. I met Paul LeMat (and Esther Rolle!!!) and LeMat was super cool. Really made me fall in love with movie making.
    He comes back every year to our “American Graffiti Days” and looks the same as he always did. Someone should give LeMat a new chance…

  74. christian says:

    I always thought he was a terrific actor with real presence. Bring him on!

  75. yancyskancy says:

    Hope you guys won’t mind, but I just posted those kind words about Paul Le Mat on his Facebook page. I’m sure he’ll appreciate them.

  76. Cadavra says:

    Watts is 41. Hell, she was clearly an adult in Dante’s MATINEE, which was shot in 1992.

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“We don’t have any idea what the universe is. Wise people have always told us that this is proof you shouldn’t think, because thinking leads you nowhere. You just build over this huge construction of misunderstanding, which is culture. The history of culture is the history of the misunderstandings of great thinkers. So we always have to go back to zero and begin differently. And maybe in that way you have a chance not to understand but at least not to have further misunderstandings. Because this is the other side of this question—Am I really so brave to cancel all human culture? To stop admiring the beauty in human production? It’s very difficult to say no.”
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Bing!

One of the great movies. Charles Bronson, great, Charles Bronson. Great movies. Today you can’t make that movie because it’s not politically correct, right? It’s not politically correct. But could you imagine with Trump? Somebody says, oh, all these big monsters aren’t around he’s easy pickings and then shoot.”
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