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David Poland

By David Poland

BYOB Again

Sorry… it’s been one of those days.
I did get to make my April Fools joke real… more on that in time.
Here is some space for y’all. I should be posting more later tonight.

45 Responses to “BYOB Again”

  1. Wrecktum says:

    Grab your pup tent and Balance Bars……Which summer movie are you camping out for?

  2. scooterzz says:

    dp was at the 11am screening of ‘speed racer’….it’s very pretty (uh, ‘speed racer…not so much poland)……the wachowski kids really need an editor……

  3. Blackcloud says:

    ^ If poor editing is the worst of its problems, it’s ahead of the game.

  4. scooterzz says:

    i guess what i meant is, ‘they need an editor who isn’t afraid to edit’….roger barton is an editor who works for michael bay, george lucas and jerry bruckheimer…..he does what he’s told and doesn’t make waves…this movie needed someone to actually stand up to the filmmakers…
    just my opinion…..

  5. LexG says:

    I love it. IT OWNS. The fucking happiest 30 seconds of my day every time I see it. Fuck, it makes me forget that I fucking hate the song SLOW RIDE, which blows.
    That commercial is better than any movie we’ll see in 2008.
    Speed Racer is starting to worry me; The more I see of it in spots, the more it looks like SHARKBOY AND LAVA GIRL.
    Forget Don and whoever else’s contention that AWESOME FAVREAU can’t do huge spectacle or summer fun because he did ZATHURA. Those SR spots out-ZATHURA the actual ZATHURA any day of the week, all campy and kiddy and good-natured. It looks like a KIDS MOVIE… which is fine, I guess, except I’m an ADULT and I don’t go to see KIDS MOVIES. I want to see PEOPLE GETTING OWNED and SHIT GETTING FUCKED UP.
    The cast is awesome, the Wachowskis have been awesome up till now – I liked RELOADED and REVOLUTIONS – but it looks…. genteel. I’m not saying it has to be fucking IRREVERSIBLE or even Bay… but that shit with A FAT KID looks HELLA FUCKING WACK.
    FAT KIDS ARE LAME. Lose the weight, Tubby.

  6. leahnz says:

    does anyone here watch ‘little britain’?
    the voice at the beggining: ‘children in britain are notoriously stupid and have to attend schools…’ damn that show cracks me up.
    speaking of children, i picked up the boy from a birthday party sleepover in the weekend (9 yr olds) and in the car he points his finger-gun at me and says, ‘hey mum, suck my fat one you cheap dime-store hood!… ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (hysterical laughter). yes, the birthday boy’s older brother took it upon himself to do a late-night screening of ‘stand by me’ and then ‘jaws’ for the pups; luckily my lad fell asleep at the start of jaws so i don’t have giant shark-related nightmares to contend with. ‘stand by me’ is one of my all time fave movies but i was hoping to save it until the boy was a wee bit older…
    which brings me to indiana jones, wreck; me and the boy are camping out for ‘indiana’. my son has watched ‘raiders’ and ‘last crusade’ so many times in the last few weeks i’ve lost count (i’m in denial about the existence of ‘doom’, i find it nasty), but i never tire of seeing my beloved river as young indy

  7. scooterzz says:

    lex — i actually pay attention…. you’re not gonna like ‘speed racer’…… and, while it does ‘OWN’, it doesn’t ‘OWN’ guys who like the titles you like….that said, it’s a very pretty movie……..

  8. LexG says:

    I like loud colors, I like Hirsch, looooooooove RICCI, love Goodman, even watched the cartoon as a kid.
    And Matthew Fox is actually an unbelievably awesome actor, as his TV work and even his bit in SMOKIN’ ACES, of all things, prove.
    But it’s just that dorky…. earnestness that I’m starting to see in the ads. I was hoping for more crass and garish, but not sweet, and certainly not genteel.
    In general, I have a contempt for all humanity, and I like my movies to reflect that.

  9. That is somewhat surprising.
    Also, Leah, that story is brilliant.

  10. scooterzz says:

    lex — then you are going to be truly conflicted… i, for one, am looking forward to YOUR REVIEW…

  11. scooterzz says:

    leah…what city are you in?

  12. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, you are not an adult.

  13. LexG says:

    34 SON.
    Three college degrees.

  14. THX5334 says:

    Leah, that story was awesome. It made my day…

  15. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, you’re awful. Not funny or cool at all.

  16. jeffmcm says:

    Leah, however, is a cool mom.

  17. LexG says:

    If this commercial does not COMMAND YOU, you are fucking hopeless.
    How can you not be ENTRANCED BY THAT?

  18. leahnz says:

    scooterzz, i live in wellington.
    glad my boy could amuse you guys from afar, kids are a laugh.
    wow, lexg, it’s just one classy remark after another

  19. jeffmcm says:

    It’s the longest suicide note I’ve ever seen.

  20. LexG says:

    Jeff, do you get royalties for how much you ride my dick? You should. Amusing that you consistently comment on the day-and-night nature of my posts, considering that YOUR late-night confrontational bullshit reads like Travis Bickle on a fucking SweetTarts bender. All just LOOKING FOR AN ARGUMENT. Are you really that lonesome? You can deride my (hilarious and awesome) posts all you want, but my bullshit comes from the heart… I ADMIT my need for validation. I ADMIT my failure. I ADMIT that by day I’m a movie fan posting in earnest and enjoying the disussion. What’s your excuse?
    What, are you JEALOUS that my HILARIOUS shit has been QUOTED on Vanity Fair, Defamer, LA Weekly, and blogs around the world? Considering the sweat you work up trying to get notice around here, doesn’t seem like you’ve been acknowledged anywhere, unless there’s a BITCH-ASS STALKER CREEPY DOUCHEBAG FAILURE Web site I’m not aware of. Keep claiming the moral superiority when so many people here have WARNED YOU NOT TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THEM, and the rest probably just IGNORE YOU because they picture you googling their fucking workplace.
    You claim some superiority, then turn up at all hours of the night just cruisin’ for a fight, being a dick wholly unprovoked, popping up wherever you can to drop some bitch-ass retort. Probably all giddy that someone even acknowledges you. What, no editor career in high swing? No big-time industry connections keeping you occupied through the night? Come on, bitch, you’re ON IMDB. Aren’t you a SUPERSTAR by now? Or are you insecure, desperate, looking for validation, bitter that those freebie post jobs on student films haven’t yielded a hotshot Hollywood career yet?
    Either MAN UP and admit, yeah, it’s all bullshit, you despise not being a MAN-GOD, or move back to your home state and get some lame job and wife.

  21. Blackcloud says:

    Lex, you didn’t get any of those degrees from clown college, did you?
    “That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!”

  22. I’m sure Jeff is trembling in his boots, Lex. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! I’d also like to know where you, Lex, have tried to engage in conversation that didn’t revolve around tits, action heroes or tits. OWN.
    People don’t laugh with you at your “HILARIOUS shit” they are laughing at your hilarious shit. Shit being the best possible name for it.
    You just write this stuff for us, really.

  23. jesse says:

    “I don’t think any of us were expecting that.”

  24. The Big Perm says:

    My favorite part about LexG is when he drops the act and says something about “dropping his persona,” and then you can see what a boring fucking loser he is, and that explains why he can’t even be obnoxiously funny, which is a style I usually enjoy.

  25. Anyone notice that there’s a movie called 4 Minutes opening this weekend as well as 88 Minutes. That’s gonna confuse some people.

  26. hendhogan says:

    actually, lex, that commercial is five to six years old (predates the hilton car wash). you’re behind the times, man.
    points if you can come up with her first series without using the net to look it up.

  27. jeffmcm says:

    Lex, you don’t seem to get it: when somebody continually posts as much masturbatory garbage as you do, you really have no reason to get all pissy when someone points out that it is, indeed, masturbatory garbage. You are, literally, asking for it. And I mean garbage (zero worthwhile content) and I mean masturbatory (written to make yourself feel like you’re being funny and clever and to vent, yet being totally without use to anybody else.
    I _hate_ wasting time on you, but I simply have a really hard time (here’s my failure) with ignoring elephants in the room when they post the same obnoxious stuff every day.

  28. LexG says:

    Hendhogan, the first thing I remember her from is that spy show Cover Me.
    Though her indelible work in Supercross: The Movie really cemented my fandom.
    No kidding, they’ve run that ad in the past? If so, wise idea, bringing it back years later. As with the Soapy Paris spot, they’re hot commercials anyway, but even moreso because they break from the usual Carl’s Jr. narrative of disgusting-looking people doing obnoxious things while stuffing their face (I’m thinking of the gross guy with her feet up in the lens, or the Philly cab drivers… blecch.)
    It brings the same joy to my evening that I try to bring to others when I favor this blog with my good cheer.

  29. LexG says:

    *Change her to his; I think it’s some slob with his legs up on a dashboard.

  30. hendhogan says:

    well, if you didn’t cheat, you got it.
    the paris hilton one was a follow up to try to get the same reaction from cameron’s original spot. failed in my opinion. was surprised to see it back because it is from so long ago, but a great ad just the same. although i will never have carl’s jr. again. ate at two separate ones and both times got food poisoning. gonna take more than a hot girl riding a slow mechanical bull to get me to do that again. indeed, they took two steps back when they edited out tara from the flat buns ads under pressure from community groups.

  31. LexG says:

    hend, I got it on my own. That was a fun show, with Peter Dobson, the rich man’s Craig Bierko, and Jan from The Office.
    Apparently, per IMDB, the kid was Michael Arangarangarangarano, that dude from from Snow Angels who’s been in like 500 movies at a young age. Nothing against the guy, but for someone who’s not remotely a name, how does he get so much work? Just odd seeing him on those FORBIDDEN KINGDOM posters alongside Jet and Jackie, like he’s some noteworthy martial arts star or something.

  32. Glamourboy says:

    The main thing I don’t get about this whole Lex debate (and again, what does any of this have to do with movies?)….is that you guys keep fueling his fire. Didn’t any of you learn in the first grade, that if some obnoxious person is spewing out their ridiculous comments, and NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION OR EVEN COMMENTS…that ultimately that person just goes away. If no one responds to any of his posts or argues any of his ridiculous posts, he’ll just go away. A friend of mine has a saying, DON’T FEED THE TROLLS.

  33. PastePotPete says:

    “Lex, you don’t seem to get it: when somebody continually posts as much masturbatory garbage as you do, you really have no reason to get all pissy when someone points out that it is, indeed, masturbatory garbage. You are, literally, asking for it. And I mean garbage (zero worthwhile content) and I mean masturbatory (written to make yourself feel like you’re being funny and clever and to vent, yet being totally without use to anybody else.
    I _hate_ wasting time on you, but I simply have a really hard time (here’s my failure) with ignoring elephants in the room when they post the same obnoxious stuff every day.”
    Wow. *insert comments about pots,kettles, the color black*

  34. lazarus says:

    re: Trolls
    I think I’m about ready to trade LexG for the return of Ian Sinclair.
    Yes, it’s that bad.

  35. jeffmcm says:

    Sorry to hear it, PPP. I assure you, it’s not my intention.

  36. LexG says:

    I think I’ve officially missed Snow Angels, keeping my perfect track record of inadvertantly missing every David Gordon Green movie in theaters. I always mean to see them, but their run is usually so blink-and-you’ll miss it. And somehow when they hit video or cable, I always opt for some DTV action movie or something I’ve already seen instead of this guy’s probably-awesome movies.
    I had no idea he directed Pineapple Express. I guess he’ll finally enjoy more than a token arthouse run. Though I always think stoner humor is pretty chancy with some audiences.

  37. lazarus says:

    “Inadvertantly”? “Blink-and-you’llmiss it”?
    How about Write-Another-Jerkoff-Manifesto-and-you’ll miss it?
    I imagine DGG isn’t caffeinated for you, Lex. Although maybe you could appreciate it for how HAWT Olivia Thirlby and Kate Beckinsale are, you’ll probably still say it just made you want to watch Underworld again.

  38. LexG says:

    Make that Underworld: Evolution.
    Yep, Thirlby and THE ‘SALE were big attractions. HOTT.
    I don’t know, Undertow seemed like it would be pretty much up my alley.

  39. jeffmcm says:

    It wouldn’t be. Not a single back-alley rape scene.

  40. LexG says:

    What the hell? What does that even mean?
    How can you continually play the “I can’t ignore the elephant in the room when you’re obnoxious” card, as if that’s your only M.O., when you drop gems like that abhorrent and unpleasant piece of bait as if on cue when I simply ask about a movie?

  41. jeffmcm says:

    One man’s ‘abhorrent and unpleasant’ post is another’s “OLIVIA THIRLBY GIVES ME A BONER”

  42. Chucky in Jersey says:

    The Ben Stein documentary “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” opens tomorrow. Scientific American dismantles the film bit by juicy bit.
    It may look like “Expelled” is being dumped but at least 1 theater chain is going ga-ga over it.

  43. movieman says:

    Hey, Lex- You haven’t missed anything by skipping DG Green’s ouevre to date.
    Ever since “George Washington” I’ve thought DGG was a textbook example of the “Emperor’s New Clothes” syndrome. Yes, there are isolated privileged moments in his films (mostly due to Tim Orr’s cinematography and some good performances, e.g. Zooey Deschanel in “All the Real Girls” and Paul Schneider in “Girls” and “Geo. Washington”), but the man has no sense of pacing/timing. To paraphrase Gene Hackman’s legeendary (if unfair) dis of Eric Rohmer in “Night Moves,” DGG’s films are they’re like watching paint dry.
    Working with a hand’s-on producer like Apatow can only help.
    Who knows? “Pineapple Express” might actually turn out to be the first honest-to-Gawd entertaining Green joint to date.
    And “Undertow” is his career nadir (so far anyway): I actually put that on my 2004 10 worst list.
    “Snow Angels” is OK–at least it’s got a semi-pulse. That kid from “Forbidden Kingdom” and the “Juno” chick are the best things in the movie.
    FYI: I happen to be a HUGE Terrence Malick fan, and DGG is no Terrence Malick.

  44. movieman says:

    LA and NY have already begun their “Speed Racer” p/screenings, huh?
    That must mean the junket is coming up soon (this weekend perhaps?)
    What remains of the Cleveburg “press corps” isn’t allowed to see it until the Saturday A.M. promo on May 3rd.
    Should be fun experiencing the Wachowski Bros. latest head trid amidst all those sugar-addled “Romper Room” juvies.

  45. leahnz says:

    chuck, thanks for that link, that’s scary shit; just reading about stein’s sham of a documentary sends a shiver down my spine. i hope somebody sues his sorry arse for misrepresentation or fraud or just plain idiocy…

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