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David Poland

By David Poland

Can't We All Just Get It On?

Have you noticed the bizarre trend of the moment where everyone has to decide what movies and movie characters are gay, not gay and any variation in between?

Perhaps it is just coincidence.  I’m writing this just as I posted four stories on MCN, all of which speak to the same issue… was Alexander gay, was Shark Tale queer, why movies are showing so much schlong these days and of course, Spongebob.  Of course, without all these movies, there would probably be stories.

Perhaps it is the focus on gay marriage in the last election and the odd crackdown on sexuality in media controlled by the FCC. 

Perhaps Tom Brokaw’s first book in his new retirement will be "The Gayest Generation."

Or perhaps we can just start letting what happens in the bedroom of all people be private.  Unless you want to start discussing where you like appendages coming and going in your life.

But what really gets me is The Sponge.  Seems to me that Spongebob Squarepants is the first truly gay cartoon. Sponge is a young, giddy gay man, every pore looking for action, all sublimated into his crabby patty obsession.  (Is that an not-so-oblique reference to the female anatomy?)  Patrick Starfish is just an old queen.  Squidward is clearly Paul Lynde, reanimated.  And what exactly is Plankton trying to hide?

Or perhaps, it’s just a funny cartoon with a lot of silly characters… hmm… 

9 Responses to “Can't We All Just Get It On?”

  1. anonymous says:

    Spongebob and his friends are just goofy cartoon characters, please do not read any further into it

  2. Stella's Boy says:

    Some regulars around here believe the government has a right to decide what people can and can’t do in private. And who can and can’t get married. Pathetic.

  3. Oppenheimer says:

    Great title to your blog post, Dave! The recent attention and increased interest on who is and who isn’t gay (and which characters and movies) is simply the age old game we’ve all been playing for years going public and out in the open. Has there really ever been a time when people weren’t wondering about it and asking those questions? I sure don’t think so. It’s just that no one talked about it except in private and with hushed tones. Perhaps the new open tone of the conversation is a sign that we’re all getting more comfortable with the idea.

  4. Stella's Boy says:

    Reminds me of Kinsey, which I finally saw last night. Outstanding movie. Makes me think of the scene were he’s interviewing the gay man who was branded. Kinsey tells the man that someday people’s attitudes towards homosexuals will change. Obviously the man does not believe him. How sad that he wasn’t wrong.

  5. Baldissexy says:

    All this obsession is obfuscating the bigger issue: that gender isn’t as black and white as we’d like to think. It’s probably more like a vast spectrum, and we’ll have to learn to stop forcing people into simple categories.
    Even Lennie the shark isn’t necessarily “gay,” he just doesn’t fit into the traditional paradigms of macho sharkdom, just as there are men who might not like sports or drink cosmopolitans instead of bud lights and still be straight.

  6. alklai says:

    The reason SBSP has a high voice and is somewhat flighty and obsessive isn’t because he’s gay — it’s because he is a small child in adult drag.

  7. Mark says:

    They can’t marry. But at least they can grow old together as queens.

  8. TheLifeAndDeathBrigade says:

    Oh, like how most regular straight folks morph into one another, and the guy gets girly, and the woman gets butch? Queen or reversal of genders. The gay folks win. HA HA.

  9. Thrilling to think that “cutting edge” gayness is now the province of cartoon sharks and anthromorphized household sponges.
    Same-sexuality is not some obscure “lifestyle” shrouded in mystery requiring a master’s degree in symbolism to divine.
    It’s right there in front of you. Where it’s always been.
    You just didn’t want to notice. Or at least you pretended you didn’t.

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